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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress in the workplace is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

#countries #people #stress #workplace #measures
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Reports of citizens of many countries worldwide battling with
stress
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 are on the increase. The main cause of
this
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 stems from our hectic modern lifestyles and busy
work
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 schedules, which often leave little time for social and family life.
However
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, a number of solutions can be implemented by companies and governments to combat
this
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. Arguably, one of the main causes of
stress
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 in modern life originates in the long working
hours
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 workplaces demand of us.
This
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 is
due to
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 an increase in competitiveness in business,
coupled with
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 falling employment levels in numerous countries, resulting in individuals finding it necessary to
work
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 longer
hours
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 to support a family, with higher expectations from superiors than ever before.
Furthermore
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, the onset of a digital world has meant that many
employees
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 spend weekends and evenings at home catching up on
work
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 and answering emails.
As a consequence
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, working citizens find time devoted to family, social life and hobbies suffers, leading to feelings of inadequacy and guilt, and rising
stress
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 levels. Various solutions to combat these problems could be implemented, both by workplaces and by governments.
Firstly
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, workplaces should be encouraged to offer their workforce the opportunity to telecommute or
work
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 flexible working
hours
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, enabling the
work
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-life balance to be more easily managed. Not only would
this
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 be advantageous for
employees
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, but companies could
also
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 benefit from the increased productivity of
employees
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 who are happier and more alert.
Secondly
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,
in addition
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 to the aforementioned point being an area which may require governmental regulation or help to establish, the state should reconsider laws regarding maximum working
hours
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 and offer financial aid to families.
This
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 would ensure the wellbeing of not only
employees
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,
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apply
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 but
additionally
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 their families, boosting the importance of family values and protecting the next generation from the burdens of
such
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stress
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. In conclusion, the widespread nature of
high
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high-stress
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stress
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 levels clearly shows some action needs to be taken to address the problem in the workplace. As both companies and governments regulate working conditions and laws, they should take action to amend these to benefit the nation and its families.
Submitted by d.karan on

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task achievement
Task Response: While you have addressed both parts of the prompt, it could be made clearer what specific examples support your points. Adding more varied examples or further details could enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay is logically structured and easy to follow. However, using more varied transitional words and phrases can improve the natural flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and Conclusion: The essay begins with a clear introduction that outlines the issue and offers a concise conclusion that reiterates the main points without redundancy. This helps frame the argument well.
coherence cohesion
Supported Main Points: The essay provides well-supported main points with explanations. The balance between causes and solutions is well-maintained, which adds depth to the argument.
task achievement
Clear, Comprehensive Ideas: Your ideas are clearly articulated and easy to understand, making it straightforward for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Relevant Examples: The examples and explanations you give are relevant to the points you are making, helping to illustrate and support your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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