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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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There is no denying the fact that
children
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 have to
learned
Change the verb
learn
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 how to be good members of society.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
parents
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 should hold
this
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 mission and teach their kids how to be beneficial citizens, there is
also
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 an argument that
school
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 is the place to learn
this
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.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view, and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
children
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 spend the majority of their
time
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 with their
parents
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.
In other words
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,
parents
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 have a significant role in influencing their kids.
In addition
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,
parents
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 are responsible
about
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for
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 forming their
children
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's personalities.
For example
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,
the
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in the
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 first five years of someone's life, they will be with their
parents
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 all the
time
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 which makes them
as
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apply
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heroes in their
children
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's eyes, so they will start coping
their
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with their
show examples
parents
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' actions.
On the other hand
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,
school
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 teachers are more specialized in teaching techniques. It is
also
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 possible to say that
parents
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 could inquire for teacher advice in some situations.
Moreover
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, the
time
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 that students spend at
school
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 is
also
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 a long
time
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,
therefore
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, they will definitely learn new things from the
school
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 environment.
For instance
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, the student may face some bad situations or problems with their colleagues, in
such
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 situations, teachers should guide them. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that both
parents
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 and schools play a crucial role in generating good society members, and they should both realize the importance of their role.
Submitted by shaymaa.khalaf91 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Elaborate on your main points to better support your arguments and enhance the reader's understanding.
task achievement
Stay focused on the task throughout the essay. Fully develop your ideas with more specific examples to better demonstrate your understanding of the topic and strengthen your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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