IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Beside a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is considered by some that the
Internet
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 creates many
problems
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whereas
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 others believe that it has a lot of advantages. In my opinion, there are many
problems
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 caused by the
Internet
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while
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 it brings many benefits for
people
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. One reason that the
Internet
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 creates many issues is that it distances
people
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 from each other. Compared to a decade ago,
people
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 now are more willing to communicate on their phones than in person, even when they are in a shared room.
Besides
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 that, as
people
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 become more and more
depend
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dependent
show examples
 on the
Internet
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,
people
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 are facing an increasing risk of psychological
problems
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.
For example
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, several young
people
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 suffer from social phobia.
That is
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 to say, they feel panic when socializing with others.
Therefore
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,
Internet
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 addiction has become a major problem faced by young
people
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 today.
However
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, the
Internet
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 provides
people
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many
Change preposition
with many
show examples
 benefits at the same time.
Firstly
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, the
Internet
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 has broken down geographic barriers and made communication global. It enables
people
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 to share their views and opinions with
people
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 from all over the world. It
also
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 helps deepen understanding and promote peaceful development.
Secondly
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, the
Internet
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 offers the opportunity for online learning and education and it makes education more flexible and accessible. One clear example is that students can choose learning content on the
Internet
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 based on their interests and needs.
This
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 makes getting an education much simpler. In conclusion, the
Internet
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 has brought many benefits to mankind
as well as
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problems
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. Among them, it has distanced
people
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 from each other and may cause psychological
problems
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. But it has
also
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 made communication easier and increased educational opportunities.

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Task Achievement
Provide a more balanced viewpoint throughout your essay to enhance task response. Consider discussing the advantages and disadvantages more equally to fully address the prompt.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples to further support your main points. Elaboration can make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to ensure that your conclusion summarizes all the main points discussed in the essay to reinforce your stance and the essay’s coherence.
Introduction
Articulates a clear introductory paragraph outlining the essay's viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effectively uses paragraphing to organize ideas.
Supporting Examples
Includes specific examples to support claims, enhancing the essay’s overall persuasive impact.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
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