Governments should ban dangerous sports. Others think that people should have the freedom to do any sport activity. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
It is becoming more and more popular these days for
people
to participate in extreme sports
. While
there are some people
who believe that everyone should have the right to take part in such
sports
, I believe that the government should ban these dangerous activities
.
On one hand, many people
may argue that an outright ban on dangerous sports
by the government would be an infringement upon people
’s freedoms and their right to choose how to live their lives. While
some may view these kinds of activities
as being reckless fun pursued by thrill-seeking adrenaline junkies, other people
gain a lot of personal benefit and fulfilment from certain extreme sports
. There have even been many cases where extreme sports
have saved particular athletes from a wasted life of drugs and alcohol, allowing them to channel their energy into a more worthwhile pursuit. By focusing on developing themselves through performing high risk
Add a hyphen
high-risk
activities
, many athletes have managed to turn their lives around for the better.
However
, not only do extreme sports
place the participants at a high risk of serious injury, but also
innocent bystanders and impressionable young children. These days, social media platforms such
as Facebook, Tik Tok, and Instagram, are full of videos containing extreme sports
and people
performing risky behaviour. These types of videos can be highly influential, particularly on young people
who try to imitate the behaviour and end up injuring themselves and others. By banning extreme sports
, governments are helping to protect the lives of thousands of young people
around the world who put themselves at great risk of injury, hindering their chances at
developing their full potential in other fields of sport, academia, or career.
In conclusion, Change preposition
of
while
some believe that everyone has the right to choose what activities
they partake in, I believe it is the government’s duty to protect its citizens from harm, and consequently
they should ban extreme Add a comma
consequently,
sports
.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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coherence cohesion
You've managed to organize your essay into paragraphs, and there is a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the essay requires clearer topic sentences and more explicit connections between ideas. Work on connecting sentences and paragraphs more seamlessly.
task achievement
The essay addresses all parts of the task adequately including the opinion, though the development for both sides of the argument could have been more balanced and thorough. Each paragraph should distinctly address a unique point supporting your stance. Providing more specific examples would strengthen your argument and increase task achievement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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