in some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem. to what etent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In a few countries, a
grow up
number of pupils are Wrong verb form
growing
gain
weight or Wrong verb form
gaining
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
as a consequence
of eating to
much Replace the word
too
unhealthyfood
. Preventing Correct your spelling
unhealthy food
the
junk Correct article usage
apply
food
from cafeteria schools
may it is
the best way to combat Wrong verb form
be
this
issue. Even thought
a simple ban Correct your spelling
though
fast
foods in the school cafeteria seems to be a positive step, I do not agree that Change preposition
on fast
this
method is the most efective
measure to Correct your spelling
effective
alliviate
Correct your spelling
alleviate
this
problem among the students at schools
.
Junk food
has already been proven to be very detrimental to one's health, for
this
reason
preventing Add a comma
reason,
schools
from vending it to their students is a great step in the right direction. The fewer burgues
, pizzas and Correct your spelling
burgers
burgees
fat
Replace the word
fatty
food
children
consumed, the better. if the school cusine
cooked Correct your spelling
cuisine
fresg
, healthy meals, Correct your spelling
fresh
children
would eat them. This
measure, thus
, could prevent children
from eating a lot of fast food
for luch
and may even help some of them to Correct your spelling
lunch
starts
Change the verb
start
to
eating healthy Change preposition
apply
food
. However
, it is not sufficient to solve the general problem.
The difficulty is that consumption
of unhealthy Correct article usage
the consumption
food
for lunch at school is only
point of the issue. Research Add an article
the only
show
that Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
children
whom
Change the pronoun
who
has
parents at home with overweight, Change the verb form
have
also
their
have an Correct pronoun usage
apply
incrised
risk of Correct your spelling
increased
become
pupils with obesity. so it Change the verb form
becoming
necessary
to Add a missing verb
is necessary
starte
Correct your spelling
start
this
new healthy habits at home, Correct determiner usage
these
encoureged
Correct your spelling
encouraged
encourage
ther
Correct your spelling
their
children
to do regular physical exercise and stimulated
Wrong verb form
stimulate
to
eat fresh meals at home.
Correct pronoun usage
them to
To conclude
, although
preventing schools
to offer
fast Change preposition
from offering
food
is a mesure
in the right direction, Correct your spelling
measure
i
believe that, can not Change the capitalization
I
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
children
becoming
overweight or obese. the only way to resolve Change preposition
from becoming
this
inssue
is to encourage their Correct your spelling
issue
children
and families to exercise regulary
and start to eat Correct your spelling
regularly
healthy
.Change the adjective
healthily
Submitted by ariannynani on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and paragraphs for better coherence. Use clear and appropriate transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring the introduction and conclusion more effectively, clearly stating your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Provide specific examples and evidence to support the main points in your argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task more fully, ensuring that your position is relevant and well-explained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Develop ideas more fully with explanations and examples that are directly related to the task.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by providing more depth and explanation.