More and more people are buying things on the internet like air tickets, books and groceries making online shopping more popular with every passing day. Does the advantages of such shopping outweighs the disadvantages?
These days, online purchasing trends are increasing, and more people tend to buy
products
and services through online sales. This
trend has own
benefits and drawbacks, in my perspective, its advantages outweigh Correct pronoun usage
its own
disadvantages
and the reason why I think will be highlighted in Correct article usage
the disadvantages
this
essay.
Firstly
, using online sales save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
our
time Correct pronoun usage
us
that
offers us Correct word choice
and
possibility
to buy various Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
products
and services. All you need is just internet
and Correct article usage
the internet
digital
device; without going out Correct article usage
a digital
for buying
something from home, Change preposition
to buy
while
surfing internet
and clicking Add an article
the internet
button
, means Fix the agreement mistake
buttons
save
a Wrong verb form
saving
lot
time. Add the preposition
lot of
For example
, I do not need to go shopping for buying
cosmetics because there are plenty of online Verb problem
apply
shops
that offer various high
qualified Replace the word
highly
products
, ordering
through Correct word choice
and ordering
Correct article usage
the internet
internet
offers Capitalize word
Internet
to
me many extra hours Change preposition
apply
for
Change preposition
apply
me
.
Another advantage of online Correct pronoun usage
apply
shoppings
offer many choices and customers can choose one of qualified Fix the agreement mistake
shopping
of
them. Change preposition
apply
While
technology developed, there are many online shops
that offered
selective choice; Wrong verb form
offer
hence
online shops
compete with each other,
Remove the comma
apply
while
suggesting good services and products
. Therefore
, people can choose qualitified
Correct your spelling
qualified
products
while
comparing various substances, what you
Correct pronoun usage
they
preffered
Correct your spelling
prefer
one
.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
Although
there is
Change the verb form
are
much
more advantages, buying something from online Fix the agreement mistake
many
shops
can be risky. Because, buying something from
online is not tangible, as people can not feel and see Change preposition
apply
them
by themselves. Correct pronoun usage
it
Therefore
, customers sometimes deny
to use online Verb problem
refuse
shops
.
To conclude
, while
having disadvantages, such
as it is
risky, there are many advantages for online shopping including saving time and selective choices offered. Wrong verb form
being
Therefore
,its advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
is outweighs
the Wrong verb form
outweigh
disadvantage
.Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
Submitted by zayashdee on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved with clearer paragraphing and more logical progression of ideas. It is advisable to plan the essay thoroughly before writing, to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the essay flows smoothly from one point to another.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be developed further. The introduction should more explicitly state the advantages and disadvantages to preview what will be discussed, and the conclusion should definitively state whether advantages outweigh disadvantages, summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported to some extent, but the support could be more developed. Use more specific examples and evidence to substantiate your claims. This will help in making the essay more persuasive and give it more depth.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task and presented a clear opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, the response could be more fully developed by discussing the disadvantages in more depth, as they are mentioned only briefly compared to the advantages.
task achievement
The presentation of ideas is relatively clear, but further comprehensive development is needed. Elaborate on each point with more details or examples. Aim to make each paragraph a well-rounded exploration of the individual point it presents.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The use of a personal anecdote with the cosmetics example is a good start, but including broader evidence or statistics could strengthen the answer.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.