Some people think that children are having too much free time and this time should be used to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement
Many people believe that
children
have so much spare time
that they can utilize for their academic study
. I partially agree with the notion. In my opinion, spending their free time
could be beneficial for their study
however
it also
can increase the burden on individuals.
On the one hand, Usage of their spare time
for their academic work can enhance their performance in school. Children
can more focus on their studies which leads them to have good performance in their classroom. Additionally
, It will help to reduce the screen time
of the children
. Most children
spend their spare time
watching TV's
and mobile phones and spending more Change noun form
TV
time
in the study
will divert their mind from the digital products. For instance
, a survey of students at "Harward University" shows that screen time
among youngsters has increased by 60% in the past 2 years.
On the other hand
, humans need to relax from constant work. Children
spend most of their time
in the school. They need a break to refresh their minds. Though increasing study
time
will enhance their educational knowledge, Student will leave behind in their physical development. It is essential for every youngster to participate in extracurricular activities to enhance their overall
development. Secondly
, some students are not good at scholarly but they find their interest in other activities like sports, fashion, and other skills. Hence
, giving them opportunities in different area
with their regular studies will help them to find their interest.
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
To conclude
, I believe this
time
is very vitual
for Correct your spelling
vital
children
, and utilizing this
time
more effectively according to
their interests will be more beneficial for them in the future.Submitted by maangaganpreet51 on
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task achievement
Your essay tackles the prompt effectively, providing a balanced viewpoint by discussing both sides of the argument. However, try to make your opinion a bit clearer in the introduction and conclusion to strengthen your task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is generally logical and organized, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Use more transitional words or phrases to improve the cohesion between your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences may benefit from clearer structure to enhance readability. Aim for more parallel structure in some of your points, especially when drawing comparisons.
task achievement
You have included specific examples, such as the Harvard University survey, which strengthens your argument. This is a strong aspect of your response and demonstrates relevance.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear introductory and concluding paragraphs, which help frame your overall argument. This is effective in organizing your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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