IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people are changing their careers. what are the reasons for changing? and can there be any positive or negative impact by person or by society as whole.

#people #careers #impact #person #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recent times have, no
doubts
Fix the agreement mistake
doubt
show examples
, witnessed
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 being switched by many individuals. There can be many reasons which draw
people
 towards a different profession.
This
 essay tends to explain these causes
along with
 why some professions over others
have because
Verb problem
become
show examples
such
 a necessity in modern life.
While
 the reasons
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 shift in career are many, the most important one is money because there are some jobs which require a great deal of
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
,
however
, it does not lead to earning the price of all the work.
On the other hand
, there are professions where
input
Correct article usage
the input
show examples
 is not as high as the output it gives. To illustrate in
further
 detail,
lets
Replace the word
let's
let us
show examples
 take an example of a farmer who works day and night to yield good crops but they are not getting the right price for it,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are
people
 working in
corporate
Add an article
the corporate
show examples
 sector making much more money for sitting all day and doing some paperwork. The other major reason is job security and
stabitlity
Correct your spelling
stability
, most of the humans prefer to take a job which would not take them away from their family so they can maintain a work-life balance at the same time.
For instance
,
people
 who are employed in
Correct article usage
the millitary
show examples
millitary
Correct your spelling
military
 can not come home and see their families for days and sometimes even months and
further
 there is no guarantee of life.
Hence
,
people
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 just follow their passion anymore but consider other factors as well. I think in today's time,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 safe to say that a major shift in career is
due to
 money and security which is ultimately leading to an advanced growth of society and
also
 bringing a major increase in
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of a country.
Submitted by jahnvijindal55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs logically connect with one another and ideas flow smoothly. Use a variety of linking words and topic sentences effectively to show clear progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Expand your introduction and conclusion to more appropriately frame your essay. Make sure your introduction paraphrases the question and provides a clear thesis statement, while your conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Provide more support for your main points with relevant examples and explanations. Aim to fully develop each point to convey depth of analysis.
task achievement
While addressing the reasons for career change and mentioning its impacts, offer a more balanced view by discussing some negative impacts as well. This will ensure a more complete response to the question.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively by exploring both the positive and negative impacts. Elaborate each point with sufficient detail to make your argument persuasive and complete.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. Each main point should be substantiated with specific, concrete examples to illustrate your ideas effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Career mobility
  • Professional development
  • Reskilling and upskilling
  • Job market fluctuation
  • Workforce diversification
  • Vocational satisfaction
  • Economic restructuring
  • Lifelong learning
  • Financial uncertainty
  • Social adaptation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: