IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
In recent years,
death
Add an article
the death
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 penalty is still contradictive. Some
people
 say that without capital punishment
Correct article usage
apply
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the
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apply
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Change noun form
people's
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people
Change noun form
people's
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live
Replace the word
lives
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 will be less
of safety
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safe
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 and
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Replace the word
violent
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violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 crimes will increase.
Moreover
, jailing
people
 who
becomes
Change the verb form
become
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 criminals is the key to
organize
Wrong verb form
organising
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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violence in society. In
this
 essay, I believe that I strongly agree with the statement because it can reduce the
fearness
Correct your spelling
fear
 and make the
country
 less safe for any tourists. when we live in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 city or even
country
 which is famous
with
Change preposition
for
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the
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apply
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criminal action, we will think twice to go for
hang
Wrong verb form
hanging
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 around or just
walk in
Wrong verb form
walking
show examples
the
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apply
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outside.
As a result
,
the
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apply
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people
 are always
affraid
Correct your spelling
afraid
in
Change preposition
of
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 their daily
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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, which can lead to affected
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
aconimical
Correct your spelling
economical
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
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. The
fearness
Correct your spelling
fear
 of the
people
 can decrease the quality of life.
for example
for
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apply
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those who
wants
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want
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 to go
holiday
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on holiday
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will not enjoy
heir
Correct your spelling
their
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 trip or their time
while
 travelling. They are worried about their stuff, allowing them to be focused on what they are carrying not on what they should enjoy.
On the other hand
, the
country
 which is a lot of
robbery
Change to a plural noun
robberies
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 over there
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 will make many tourists do not want to visit the nation.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 result of
this
, the income of the local
people
 will
also
 decrease, leading to
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 stigma
of
Change preposition
in
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 the state.
For example
, in
the
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apply
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Cirebon
city
Capitalize word
City
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 where
mudered
Correct your spelling
murdered
murder
 cases are still increasing, it can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the number of
people
 who want to visit the place. It
just
Add a missing verb
is just
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 because there is no death penalty, and the murderer
is still walk
Change the verb form
is still walking
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 freely
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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outside without any doubt, so the tourists will erase the city from their vacation list. in conclusion, I strongly agree that law of the capital punishment should be implemented in the correct way
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that
te
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
people
 will feel less of
fearnes
Correct your spelling
fears
 and the
country
 will be visited by many
tourist
Change to a plural noun
tourists
show examples
 which will cause
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great income to
the
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apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
In your essay, you provided a basic structure, but improvements are necessary for a higher band score. The logical structure could be strengthened by clearly signaling your paragraphs, using topic sentences effectively, and ensuring that each idea logically follows from the previous one. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitions to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your response to the task appears to address the question, but the ideas presented are not fully clear or comprehensive. To improve, work on developing your ideas more fully and explaining the reasoning behind your opinion. Expand on your examples to ensure they are relevant and effectively illustrate your points. Aim for clarity in expressing your thoughts, and make sure each paragraph directly relates to the topic at hand.

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