IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is better to buy just a few expensive clothes, rather than lots of cheaper clothes. Do you agree or disagree?

#clothes #lots
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Clothes are one of the essential needs of humans
besides
Linking Words
 housing and food. With the rise of technology in the textile industry and supported by rapid globalisation, people tend to not only buy clothes to keep their bodies warm
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
instead
Linking Words
, to impress others and show their personality through fashion.
However
Linking Words
, it is not appropriate to keep
this
Linking Words
 practice for a longer period of time. The greedy consumerism phenomena,
as well as
Linking Words
 the capitalist practice, will prove
this
Linking Words
. The supply of branded fashion is on the rise.
This
Linking Words
 definitely happens
due to
Linking Words
 the market response towards these
brands
Use synonyms
' marketing and campaigns. In fact, the statistics show that the main buyers are those with low-mid economy backgrounds.
Further
Linking Words
 investigation shows that most people do not hesitate to lend some
money
Use synonyms
 with high interest to buy things they cannot afford . If
this
Linking Words
 consumerism phenomenon keeps happening,
then
Linking Words
 low-middle-income people may not be able to sustain their lives by consuming healthy foods because most of their incomes are spent on paying back loans. Through
this
Linking Words
 "must-wear-branded-fashion" mindset known as capitalism, the pie chart of the economy will totally change. The
money
Use synonyms
 will massively go to those
brands
Use synonyms
 headquartered in the Western region primarily. Those
brands
Use synonyms
 will benefit the most from
this
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the country where most buyers are from loses the
money
Use synonyms
 circulation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the local
brands
Use synonyms
 may
also
Linking Words
 be unrecognised by the buyers and
thus
Linking Words
 will not sustain their businesses
due to
Linking Words
 the bankruptcy. To summarise, we need to understand the importance of clothing. It is made to protect our bodies from different conditions and weather, in which the price should not be as expensive as it can get. With the same amount of
money
Use synonyms
, we may have more shirts, pants, or jackets from the local
brands
Use synonyms
, to support their businesses locally
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 contributing to the national economy growth.
Submitted by www.adedj on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure; ideas are not presented in a logical sequence, leading to confusion for the reader. Focus on organizing your points logically, clearly stating your opinion early in the essay, and developing your argument coherently with well-connected paragraphs.
task achievement
Your position on the statement is unclear, and the question prompt was not fully addressed. Make sure your opinion on whether it's better to buy a few expensive clothes or lots of cheaper ones is stated unambiguously, and directly respond to each part of the task with relevant details.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • long-lasting
  • cost-per-wear
  • economical
  • investing
  • ethical manufacturing
  • transparent
  • exclusivity
  • designs
  • mass-produced
  • accessibility
  • budget
  • fast fashion
  • trends
  • maintenance
  • dry cleaning
  • social status
  • psychological implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: