It is better to buy just a few expensive clothes, rather than lots of cheaper clothes. Do you agree or disagree?

Clothes are one of the essential needs of humans
besides
housing and food. With the rise of technology in the textile industry and supported by rapid globalisation, people tend to not only buy clothes to keep their bodies warm
,
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but
instead
, to impress others and show their personality through fashion.
However
, it is not appropriate to keep
this
practice for a longer period of time. The greedy consumerism phenomena,
as well as
the capitalist practice, will prove
this
. The supply of branded fashion is on the rise.
This
definitely happens
due to
the market response towards these
brands
' marketing and campaigns. In fact, the statistics show that the main buyers are those with low-mid economy backgrounds.
Further
investigation shows that most people do not hesitate to lend some
money
with high interest to buy things they cannot afford . If
this
consumerism phenomenon keeps happening,
then
low-middle-income people may not be able to sustain their lives by consuming healthy foods because most of their incomes are spent on paying back loans. Through
this
"must-wear-branded-fashion" mindset known as capitalism, the pie chart of the economy will totally change. The
money
will massively go to those
brands
headquartered in the Western region primarily. Those
brands
will benefit the most from
this
,
while
the country where most buyers are from loses the
money
circulation.
Moreover
, the local
brands
may
also
be unrecognised by the buyers and
thus
will not sustain their businesses
due to
the bankruptcy. To summarise, we need to understand the importance of clothing. It is made to protect our bodies from different conditions and weather, in which the price should not be as expensive as it can get. With the same amount of
money
, we may have more shirts, pants, or jackets from the local
brands
, to support their businesses locally
while
also
contributing to the national economy growth.
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure; ideas are not presented in a logical sequence, leading to confusion for the reader. Focus on organizing your points logically, clearly stating your opinion early in the essay, and developing your argument coherently with well-connected paragraphs.
task achievement
Your position on the statement is unclear, and the question prompt was not fully addressed. Make sure your opinion on whether it's better to buy a few expensive clothes or lots of cheaper ones is stated unambiguously, and directly respond to each part of the task with relevant details.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • long-lasting
  • cost-per-wear
  • economical
  • investing
  • ethical manufacturing
  • transparent
  • exclusivity
  • designs
  • mass-produced
  • accessibility
  • budget
  • fast fashion
  • trends
  • maintenance
  • dry cleaning
  • social status
  • psychological implications
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