IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of professional, such as doctors an teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in develop countries. What problems does this cause? what can be done to deal with this situation?

#doctors #teachers #countries #work #situation
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Recently, the issue towards
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
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 drain phenomenon has triggered a deep concern in some countries who is below the poverty line. The mentioned matter leads to the local professionals’ shortage, which
further
 by addressing wages and incentives improvement should be able to overcome the subject. In my view,
an
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apply
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immediate action should be
done
Verb problem
taken
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 in
Correct article usage
a promptly
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promptly
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prompt
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manners
Fix the agreement mistake
manner
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.
Initially
, the primary effect of
this
 case is domestic experts’ derivation. Within some
third world
Add a hyphen
third-world
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 countries in which health has become an essential issue, the doctors’ availability
are
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is
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 chiefly inadequate to accommodate the required improvement. Another major impediment is
about
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apply
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those educators’ even
distributions
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distribution
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 within some exclusive areas, which
far
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is far
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 from
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
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 necessity. These two conditions can be illustrated by the obstacles in acquiring a reliable health assistant and qualified educational levels towards some rural concentrated areas. An inevitable impact will eventually define the insufficient living standard, respectively. To apprehend the case, a sufficient
professionals’
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professional’s
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 life standard is unquestionable for
a
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apply
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betterment. The idea can be reflected by a grander appreciation in regards to those skilled
workers
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workers'
worker's
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 services
enhanced
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being enhanced
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.
Further
, a particular
revised
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revision
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 over incentives and let alone
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wages
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 profoundly demanded, simultaneously.
Hence
, if
this
 suggestion is fulfilled, it will resolve the concern swiftly. To lay the final thesis over the mentioned arguments above, it could be concluded that if the trend exists in continuum phases, it will only bring about the society value’s apprehension, which could be responded
by
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to by
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 refining the professionals’ financial
gained
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gain
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.
Thus
,
to
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from
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 my perspective, an impulsive action needs to be conducted directly.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task response
Be sure to directly address the question asked. Your essay should clearly identify the problems caused by the 'brain drain' phenomenon and suggest concrete solutions.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with clearer topic sentences and connect your ideas more effectively. It is essential to guide the reader through your argument in a logical and clear manner.
examples
Include specific examples to support your points. This can help make your ideas more persuasive and tangible to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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