Some people think that the teenager’s years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
A part of
people
believe that adolescence time is a joyful period of many individual's lives
. However
, others think that adulthood gives them more enjoyment, while
it has more obligations to perform. Although
post-adolescence age brings more happiness in the forms of economic and social status, I believe that teen years are the happiest phase of our lives
.
Firstly
, the young period is the time which all individuals love to live once again as it brings a lot of nice experiences such
as having lots of friends, going for an outing regularly and sharing good and bad with Correct article usage
a loveable
loveable
population. what I mean by Correct article usage
a loveable
this
is that when we were childhood we did not have any work pressure or family commitments to do. We people
always love to be free. For example
, a survey which was published last
year states that ninety per cent of school children
enjoy their Correct your spelling
schoolchildren
lives
. As well as
many adult crowd
would like to return to that joyful period again.
Change to a plural noun
crowds
On the other hand
, mature age sometimes brings satisfaction this
is to say that adult people
would have almost achieved their goals they want to . And also
they enter into the family life and also
having children. Furthermore
, the individuals who live in their neighbourhood would respect them and take their opinions into consideration. However
, this
time has more difficulties related to Correct article usage
the teenager
teenager
years. Replace the word
teenage
Moreover
, It is evident throughout society adult people
are exposed to related diseases. For instance
, in Sri Lanka, 80 per cent of individuals who are thirty plus always suffer from work pressure.
To conclude
, both phases of our lives
give us different types of experiences and learnings. But, in my view young age community live their lives
smoothly and happily.Submitted by ajeevatharsan on
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task achievement
The essay does not fully meet the requirements of the task as it tends to be more biased towards one view, failing to thoroughly explore and discuss both views equally before stating a personal opinion. To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure to dedicate a balanced and equally detailed amount of discussion to both views presented in the task before stating your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear and comprehensive transitions between ideas and paragraphs. To improve, consider using a variety of linking words to better connect ideas and employ a clear topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph to indicate the main idea. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme that is maintained throughout the paragraph for better coherence and cohesion.