countries should produce food beyond all the population eats without importing, agree or disagree

Producing food only for their population is important and there is no need to
importing
Wrong verb form
import
show examples
products
is not required,
countries
should produce their demanded
products
which is required of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
. I do not agree with
this
idea, because producing
products
only for locals limits worldwide income which can be earned from
international
Add an article
the international
show examples
market.
First,
people
can
use
various foods from importing
products
inlcuding
Correct your spelling
including
vitamins and proteins that are not common in certain
countries
. These days, it is important to
use
those high quality
products
in order to
being
Change the verb
be
show examples
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
healthy and energetic.
As a result
,
people
use
those importing
products
with quality rather than local brands.
For example
, some
people
often
use
avacoda
Correct your spelling
avocado
and salmon for breakfast which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
many vitamins needed for humans.
However
, these are not available to buy from Mongolia,
therefore
,
people
purchase them from importing
products
. Another reason is that if
people
use
importing
products
, the world economy will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
expand. It means that if
country
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
can supply foreign sales, the state will be developed quickly.
This
is because international sales generally require more
products
in order to meet worldwide
consumers'
Fix the agreement mistake
consumer'
show examples
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
companies earn more money.
Above all
, concerning these benefits,
countries
should make various
products
, not only for local residents.
On the other hand
,
countries
try to supply all
products
that
required
Add a missing verb
are required
show examples
their
Change preposition
by their
show examples
citizens in their
country
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
some
importing
Change the form of the verb
imported
show examples
products
are expensive,
therefore
,
people
can not purchase them; despite
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
need
those
Change preposition
for those
show examples
products
. If there is a chance to produce those foods in their
country
, it would be beneficial for both sides including manufacturers and consumers,
However
, usually, most local
products
can not manufacture various
products
.
Therefore
,
people
tend to
use importing
Wrong verb form
import
show examples
products
that
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
economy negatively.
To conclude
, If
countries
supplying
Wrong verb form
supply
show examples
all their demanded
products
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
their residents,
this
would be
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
development.
However
, companies broadening consumers
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worldwide means
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
earning more income which would affect positively
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
country
's economy.
Submitted by zayashdee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear, concise, and summarize the main points of your argument effectively. The introduction did not clearly paraphrase the question or state your position, and the conclusion could have been stronger in summarizing the discussion.
Paragraph Development
Work on the development of paragraphs by ensuring there is a central idea followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. This adds depth to the analysis and helps maintain focus on the topic at hand.
Relevance to the Topic
Your answer must consistently address the question throughout your response. There were moments in your essay where the relevance of the information provided to the topic could have been made clearer.
Linking Devices
Use a range of linking devices to create cohesion within and between paragraphs. This essay demonstrated a basic use of connectors, but could benefit from more varied and sophisticated devices.
Sentence Structure
Incorporate a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and enhance the readability of the text. The use of complex sentences was limited in this essay, and greater variety could improve the overall coherence.
Supporting Examples
Be sure to fully support your main points with specific examples and detailed explanations. While some attempts were made, further development and elaboration on these examples could have strengthened the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • food self-sufficiency
  • national security
  • economic resilience
  • local food production
  • sustainable agriculture
  • overproduction
  • food waste
  • inefficiency
  • import dependency
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!