In spite of the advance made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be down about this problem?
Nowadays, the majority of people in the world suffer from starvation
while
we have witnessed agricultural advancement. In my opinion, progressing in agriculture isn't
enough to provide food
for all people and we need to improve food
transportation, and all areas
should be able to exploit this
advancement. In this
essay, I will discuss reasons and solutions for this
issue.
I believe that the existence of new facilities isn't
enough to feed a great deal of folks, and other aspects should be considered. Firstly
, Numerous roads aren't
sufficient for transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
food
and decent vehicles Change preposition
of food
such
as trucks and trains should be provided in order to receive products
faster before they get spoiled or ruined. Secondly
, agricultural products
should be maintained in good condition in storage for a long time to be able to be used at any time. For example
, in my country, many products
have been infested by rodents due to
lack
of sufficient storage. Correct article usage
a lack
Finally
, agriculture is usually implemented in rural areas
and suburbs where farmers
are still utilizing traditional methods. Traditional methods are slow and lower products
can be produced through them so despite a myriad of difficulties farmers
have endured they aren't
satisfied with their incomes. Thus
, all areas
from cultivating products
to distributing them should be facilitated.
However
, there are many useful ways to tackle this
problem and I will refer to two main of them. One of the major solutions is that roads with strong infrastructure should be built and the latest vehicle used to boost the rate of distribution and transformation of food
. Also
, all rural areas
must be equipped with the latest technology and strategies regarding agriculture consequently
, the more farmers
' income will increase and the more they are encouraged to continue farming and cause economic growth. Therefore
, the amount of food
production would increase, more individuals could survive and the percentage of disease and fatality due to
starvation would decrease.
In conclusion, if we want to rescue hungry individuals, we should consider diverse aspects such
as transportation, storage, and farmers
' benefits, and not just focus on agricultural equipment.Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic which is developed logically. Your essay has a structure, but some ideas could be expanded further.
coherence cohesion
Introductions and conclusions are necessary and you have included them, however, make sure they clearly state the main arguments and summaries of the essay without introducing new information in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. Some of your points were generalized statements without specific, concrete examples to support them.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. You covered the topic, but your response could be more complete by addressing all aspects of the prompt in more depth.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully and discuss them comprehensively. Some ideas are mentioned but require further explanation and exploration to fully satisfy the prompt.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to illustrate your points. Try to incorporate specific examples that reinforce the ideas you present in your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
