IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is better for companies to help their workers feel happy at work rather than put lots of pressure on them for the sake of profit. Do you agree or disagree?

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One of the widely discussed issues is nowadays that more companies put more challenging tasks for the fund. Now people are beginning to realize that help them during
work
Use synonyms
 rather than pressure for profit.
However
Linking Words
, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and consider that aid for
workers
Use synonyms
 the best way to achieve.
Firstly
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 it is well known that many individuals demand excellent relationships with them. What I mean here is that
workers
Use synonyms
 love working in a fine environment which will motivate them to achieve new opportunities.
For instance
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, Turkey may achieve easily to profit easily
due to
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 they attain a good attitude. Boss works with
workers
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 that makes to feel comfortable at
work
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.
Workers
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 look at their boss as someone
supports
Correct pronoun usage
who supports
show examples
 and assists them. It motivates them to
work
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 and leads to success.
Additionally
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, sometimes the boss makes these places convenient for employees to relax.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can be
also
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 argued that colleagues play a crucial role during
work
Use synonyms
. Take it to say, that new employees can face issues that cannot be tackled . If their colleagues put pressure on them
instead
Linking Words
 of helping, it will impact their health
due to
Linking Words
 them working late.
For example
Linking Words
, more companies choose to support each other. Colleagues will share knowledge that new
workers
Use synonyms
 will improve their abilities. Ones start to realize that they are one team which has to reach victory. In conclusion, I would agree that feeling happy at
work
Use synonyms
 is better than pressure
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it motivates
work
Use synonyms
 and fosters a good relationship with staff.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer by rephrasing the main idea more directly. Consider outlining your argument more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make a clearer connection between your points to improve logical flow. Using linking words will help enhance the coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure to use more specific examples to support your arguments. This would strengthen your point and make your ideas more convincing.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion and maintained this throughout the essay, which is a strong point of your argument.
task achievement
You included both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
You attempted to discuss the role of both bosses and colleagues in creating a positive work environment, which adds depth to your essay.
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