IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Education should be free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#education
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While
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 some
people
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 argue that the government of many developed
countries
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 should not spend a significant amount of taxpayers’
money
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 on
art
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forms
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,
other’s
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others
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 hold the view that spending taxpayers’
money
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 on
this
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 purpose is important for several beneficial reasons. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons why I agree that developed
countries
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 should spend
money
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 on
this
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 sector. One aspect which is worthy of deliberation is the variety of
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art works
Correct your spelling
artworks
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 of developed
countries
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. Many developed
countries
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 spend
money
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 on
art
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forms
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 because they may want to enrich the culture of nations. Another consideration which comes to mind in relation to
this
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 is that
art
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forms
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such
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 as sculpture and abstract paintings depict the identity of nations.
For example
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,
people
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 visiting Bali can understand its culture only by seeing many sculptures. If governments pay no heed to these kinds of
art
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forms
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,
this
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 could result in a lack of understanding of culture for
young
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the young
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 generation. Another aspect which needs to be taken into account is that
art
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forms
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 could attract visitors.
This
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 will provide a large amount of
money
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 because many
people
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 enjoy contemporary music and buy abstract paintings in great numbers. It is true that most of the taxpayers do not understand or do not enjoy
such
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art
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forms
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.
However
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, in terms of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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,
money
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 collected from visitors can be used as a source of income. The inevitable consequence is that all
people
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 including those who do not understand will benefit from the tourism sector.
In addition
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, developed
countries
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 need various
art
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forms
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 for
further
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 research regarding
art
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 itself because
art
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forms
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 may have positive impacts on education. In conclusion, in light of the points outlined above, I strongly believe that spending taxpayers’
money
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 on
art
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forms
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 has positive impacts (
implication
Fix the agreement mistake
implications
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) on
people
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 (society). The more attractive
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art works
Correct your spelling
artworks
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 in a country, the more
benefit
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benefits
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 the country will get.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
The essay displays a clear position throughout, but it does not completely address the given task, which was to discuss the argument about whether education should be free for everyone. Instead, the essay discusses the topic of government spending on art forms, which is a different subject. Therefore, the score is lower in 'complete response'. To improve, ensure that the response directly addresses the topic and task given.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and includes an introduction and conclusion, which is positive. However, the content of the essay does not match the given topic, and the thesis and the conclusion are not fully consistent with each other in terms of focus, which affects the score. Coherence could be improved by staying on topic and presenting arguments that are directly related to the prompt, ensuring the introduction and conclusion are consistent with the question posed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lifelong education
  • continual learning
  • adapt
  • changing technologies
  • societal norms
  • cognitive function
  • cognitive decline
  • personal development
  • self-improvement
  • formal education
  • navigate
  • emphasis
  • pressure
  • contentment
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