IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some
people
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 believe that science must be dedicated to enhancing
people
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’s lives. In
this
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 essay, I will emphasize more on why I completely agree with that opinion.
Firstly
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, looking back to history we see how science has improved. The lives of various civilizations and led to their continual.
Whereas
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 ancient Egyptians used their knowledge in architecture, medicine, and chemistry to make their
life
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 easier, nowadays
people
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 have used their advancement in technology to create a modern civilization where all aspects of
life
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 have become much easier relative to the old times.
For example
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, before the invention of telephones,
people
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 had to travel to cities or even countries to visit each other, unlike today where you can do your business or talk to your loved ones with a click.
Secondly
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, science used for other purposes leads to disasters. To illustrate, countries used scientists to help them create destructive military weapons
such
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 as nuclear weapons. These weapons were used to erase entire cities from the map, killing millions of
people
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 and destroying entire economies.
On the other hand
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, when developed countries used their scientific supremacy in construction and medicine, skyscrapers, bridges, and roads were constructed, increasing the country’s economy and improving the
overall
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 quality of
life
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.
Moreover
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, it is noticeable that with a higher literacy rate, lower death rates among both children and the elderly appear. In conclusion, the main purpose of any knowledge must be to increase the quality of
people
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’s lives in order to avoid morose results and to work on developing all aspects of
life
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.

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General
Work on expanding your arguments and providing additional examples to strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and uses topic sentences for clarity.
Task Response
Consider including a counterargument and refuting it to demonstrate complexity in your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the topic and summarizing the main points.
Task Achievement
The examples provided, such as the use of science in ancient Egyptian civilization and modern technology, effectively illustrate the points being made.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical progression of ideas, making it easy to follow the argument from start to finish.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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