You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

Thought by some people that the experiences before starting
school
are a golden age for influencing a child's
future
life
while
other argues the opposite view which is
as
Change preposition
that
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a teenager at
school
more influential experience. In my opinion, I agree with both perspectives since each step has the best role and position for developing the personality of
human
Add an article
a human
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.In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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I will describe both reasons. First of all, accomplishment by someone has been influenced by many factors including the experiences that they receive. Before studying, a juvenile will learn a lot of new things about basic activities of
life
such
as not only talking, walking, and eating, but
also
their emotional system will increase drastically in
this
moment.
However
, in their
future
school
, the children will learn more about talent but people cannot deny that the first step of progress is extremely essential to develop the Emotional Quotient (EQ) which is useful for their
future
careers.
Secondly
, as a student, the
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
of
life
will be different when they are kids. At
this
moment, Intelligence Quotient (IQ) is the most characteristic that will improve in
life
personality.
In other words
,
teacher
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teachers
show examples
at
school
encourage adolescents to has ability on critical thinking and creative thinking which
prepare
Correct subject-verb agreement
prepares
show examples
them for their
future
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
For instance
, as a teenager in
school
, they learn about many subjects
such
as math, sports, social, and other science material.
To sum up
, milestones in children's lives are influenced by the whole process that leads the children to analyse their talents and the value of their lives including before, during and after
school
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Your essay touches on relevant points but lacks depth and clarity. Ideas should be more precisely articulated and fully developed to directly address the question.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay could be improved. Connecting phrases should smoothly lead from one idea to another, making sure each paragraph transitions naturally to the next.
introduction conclusion
Expand the introduction with a clearer thesis statement that expresses your opinion more explicitly, and ensure the conclusion effectively summarises your argument.
supported main points
Use more relevant and detailed examples to strengthen your main points and provide evidence for your arguments.

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