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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tables give information about the temperatures and hours of daylight in London and Sydney during the same weekend in December 2018.

The tables give information about the temperatures and hours of daylight in London and Sydney during the same weekend in December 2018.
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The given tables show the data about the temperatures and hours of day time in the same three days of December 2018, in
London
Use synonyms
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
. The units were measured in
celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
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 and the information on both tables consisted of
temperature
Use synonyms
, time of
sunrise
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 and
sunset
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, and the date.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
daytimetime
Correct your spelling
daytime time
daytime-time
 in
Sydney
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 was longer than in
London
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, it was impacted by the
temperature
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, that
Sydney
Use synonyms
 was warmer than
London
Use synonyms
 on all three days. In terms of the city of
London
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, on all given days,
sunrise
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 and
sunset
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 times only have a 1 - 2 minutes difference,
sunrise
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 at 08:06 and
sunset
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 at 15:58. Because of the short day time, the higher
temperature
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 only reach maximum in 13
degree
Use synonyms
celcius
Use synonyms
 on Sunday 29th,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest
temperature
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 in the same date in 3
degree
Use synonyms
celcius
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile in the city of
Sydney
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, the day light was longer than in
London
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.
Sunrise
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 was start at 05:45 and
sunset
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 at 20:07.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
temperature
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 was more hotter with the higher
temperature
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 in 31
degree
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celcius
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 on Sunday 30th and the lowest
temperature
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 in 17
degree
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celcius
Use synonyms
 on Friday 28th.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words london, sydney, temperature, sunrise, sunset, degree, celcius with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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