IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays more are more people are deciding to have a baby in later life. What are the reasons? And how to solve this problem?

#people #baby #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that
people
 are putting some important decisions on hold these days
due to
 their hectic schedules and giving birth has become a later decision in
people
's lives. I will discuss the reasons why
people
 decide to have a child in later life
as well as
 some remedies to tackle
this
 obstacle in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the first and foremost reason for having
children
 in later life is inflation.
This
 means that market prices and
education
 budgets have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in these
years
 and
people
 are not strong enough financially to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their needs
as well as
 they are not able to pay school fees in earlier
years
 of marriage. In Africa,
for example
, a couple decides to have a baby after four
years
 of marriage as they start allocating money in earlier
years
 of marriage to provide a good
education
 to their offspring in the coming times.
Hence
,
children
's demands are 60% higher than in previous generations,
therefore
, parents have to work more
years
 to reach that level so that they can take responsibility for a child. To mitigate
this
 problem,
this
 issue requires the intervention of the government because if inflation is decreased
then
 stress might be reduced in
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 life and
people
 would work fewer hours and can think about
children
 in earlier
years
.
Secondly
, providing free
education
 until secondary school assists parents to not
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
 about the
education
 burden of their
children
then
 they will be excited to increase family members because they would not have any worries about expensive tuition fees.
In addition
 to
this
, medical services must be aware
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 certain ages of pregnancy as if ladies opt to have a baby after thirty-five
years
then
 there could be some complications in
this
 process. In conclusion,
although
 higher costs of products and school fees are the cause of delays in pregnancy
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
these obstacles can be mitigated by providing awareness about it
as well as
 reducing costs of everything and assisting
people
 with expenses by the government.
Submitted by maninderdeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs are clearly divided and that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that indicates what it will be about.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on creating more complex sentence structures to improve the logical flow of ideas and enhance readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid overly long sentences that can confuse the reader and make your argument less clear. Break them down into shorter, more concise sentences.
Task Achievement
Make sure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt throughout the response, providing a balanced discussion.
Task Achievement
Develop ideas fully to provide a more in-depth examination of the topic. Each paragraph should explore its main idea thoroughly.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Real-world examples, statistics, or studies can help to strengthen your argument and demonstrate a broad understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: