IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
There is a debate that
people
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 who
work
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 need to
work
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 for various
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
 of
organisations
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,
instead
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 of only one , during their whole working life. I believe that workers need to
work
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 in different occupations during their careers.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, working in the same place may be boring for lots of
people
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, because you will not see various
category
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categories
show examples
 of
people
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 , and it may be difficult to communicate with different types of
people
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.
However
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, it may be easier to achieve high positions more quickly, because if
people
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work
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 in one organisation throughout their lives, they will know everything about the business and corporation.
For example
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, if
people
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work
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 in an occupation for 20 years, they will know exactly about the company, about the business, its benefits and drawbacks.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it may be advantageous to
work
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 in different types of
organisations
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.
Firstly
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, when
people
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 change their association during their career, they will have new acquaintances in various
organisations
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, because if they change their company lots of times, they will meet lots of colleagues in each organisation and become familiar with them.
Secondly
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, working in different societies will improve
people
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's leadership skills, because when they communicate with different kinds of
people
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, they start to enhance their skills, as they will know how to approach
people
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.
Moreover
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, working in other businesses enhances individuals' communication skills in different areas with different
people
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, working in the same society may be advantageous to achieving high positions at
work
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, but I believe that working in different types of
organisations
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 may be more beneficial.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. Say that changing organisations can help people learn more skills, meet more people, and see new ways of work.
task response
Give a real and clear example for each side. For example, a worker who stays may become a team head because they know the company well. A worker who moves may learn new work methods in each new job.
task response
Do not mix 'organisation', 'occupation', 'company', 'business', and 'society'. An organisation or company is a place where people work. An occupation is a type of job.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, focus on the good and bad sides of staying in one organisation. In the second, focus on the good sides of changing organisations.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show your ideas: 'One reason is...', 'Another reason is...', 'For example...', and 'As a result...'.
coherence and cohesion
Some points repeat the same idea. The last two sentences of the second body part both say that meeting different people improves communication. Join them or make one point about communication and one about leadership.
coherence and cohesion
The opening could be clearer. Instead of 'people who work need to work for various form of organisations', write: 'Some people stay with one organisation for all their working life, while others move between organisations.'
task response
You discuss both sides and clearly give your own view. The last part also restates your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, one side, the other side, and a short ending.
task response
You give a work example about a person who stays with one company for many years.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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