IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Universities should take the same number of men and women in each major. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Recent arguments have shown that several people think universities should make a rule that requires
majors
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 to accept their students based on
gender
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, equally for men and women.
However
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, I am against
this
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 idea because of certain reasons that will be explored more in
this
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 essay. Conventionally, universities encompass several faculties with different backgrounds varying from economy to medicine. Each of them tends to have a different
gender
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 proportion as naturally, every
gender
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 might gravitate towards some specific
majors
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.
This
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 trend is passed across generations or known as stereotype and
that is
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 what makes up society nowadays.
For instance
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, as we all know, the law industry is dominated by masculine men, the same case for engineering as the work requires strenuous activity.
On the contrary
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, any health-related clusters are generally occupied by women because they have a more matronly characteristic.
This
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 is
then
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 supported by the latest research conducted by Harvard University that shows 75% of its students chose their
majors
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 because of their passions and genders.
Additionally
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, any academy should not discriminate against students based on their sex. I believe that rather than using
gender
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 as the requirement, they should only use test selections and scores to filter the candidates.
Moreover
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, if
this
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gender
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 rule is applied, I am convinced that it will create an unbalanced and unfulfilled proportion for each faculty. Let's use my major as an example, nursing, which almost 80% of it are filled with women. Obviously, if a university wants to make an equal amount of people for each
gender
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, the male quota will not be fulfilled as there will only be a few men applying. In conclusion, institutes should not have to receive the same number of each
gender
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 for their
majors
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 as naturally there are different interests and trends as can be seen in today's world.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt but could more explicitly state the degree to which you agree or disagree. Ensure your thesis clearly reflects your stance.
task achievement
Consider strengthening the link between the main ideas and the thesis statement. While you have provided examples, they could be more clearly tied to your argument and further elaborated upon.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, expanding on the ideas in the body paragraphs with a more structured development will enhance your coherence.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic which is developed and concluded before moving on to the next paragraph.
coherence cohesion
For supported main points, include a wider range of examples and ensure they are directly relevant to the point you're making, adding more depth to your argument.
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