Nowadays, most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What problems does this cause? Can you suggest some solutions to this issue?

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Nowadays,
people
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find it hard to balance their
work
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and other aspects of their
life
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. Most of the
time
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, they are unsuccessful in doing so and
this
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can result in stress and depression. There are several solutions
employees
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and
government
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can do to prevent
this
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imbalance. First of all, balancing
work
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and personal
life
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is tough. It is even harder for
people
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in today's society as workplaces become even more competitive than before.
As a result
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,
people
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tend to focus more on their
work
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and
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apply
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leaving nearly no room for their personal
life
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and
this
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leads to excessive stress.
People
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tend to pressure themselves to have the perfect
life
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and have the correct balance between
work
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and personal
life
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. When
this
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does not happen, they get stressed which causes bigger problems like permanent heart diseases or stomach problems like ulcers.
Additionally
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,
this
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imbalance causes depression.
People
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are social beings and they need to have a personal
life
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to socialize;
however
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, with only focusing on
work
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, they cannot make
time
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for socializing.
This
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results in them feeling depressed and lonely which can result in suicide.
For example
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, in Japan, a well-known country for
workers
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not having a
life
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outside their
work
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, the suicide percentage is at its highest and most of the
people
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are
employees
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. To solve
this
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problem,
employers
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and the
government
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should
work
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together. In order to solve
this
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problem,
employers
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can allow
workers
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to
work
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from
home
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for some
time
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. Working from
home
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will allow
employees
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to have more
time
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to themselves by eliminating set
work
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hours and commuting
time
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.
For instance
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, there has been a survey done in Turkey which demonstrates how
much
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apply
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working from
home
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for one day each week helped the
workers
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have a more balanced lifestyle between
work
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and personal
life
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.
Furthermore
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, the
government
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can motivate
employers
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to increase vacation
time
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allowing each worker to have more free
time
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which will allow them to make more
time
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for other aspects of their lives. To give an example, South Korea implemented a law about having 4-day
work
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weeks. The effects of the decreased
work
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days showed
by
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apply
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decreased suicidal attempts and a happier workplace.
To sum up
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,
work
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and personal
life
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balance is hard
therefore
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most
people
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cannot achieve it.
This
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imbalance results in excessive stress and depression in
employees
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.
However
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, it can be solved by
employers
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allowing
workers
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to
work
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from
home
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.
Thus
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, it can be solved by the
government
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by making regulations which will motivate
employers
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to give out more holidays to
workers
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.
Submitted by nillaragulcelik on

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task achievement
Try to delve deeper into the task by also mentioning the positive effects of a balanced life.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using cohesive devices more frequently, such as 'moreover' and 'consequently'.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay does a good job at introducing and concluding the topic effectively, helping to encapsulate your ideas.
relevant specific examples
You provided a solid example with Japan, effectively linking it to your argument about the consequences of work-life imbalance.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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