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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #media #privacy #price #fame #invasion #life
There are controversies where popular
people
 get bad treatment from
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
. In my opinion,
although
, it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 price
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their job
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they deserve more privacy. Becoming known to many
people
 does have a price to pay. Every famous person
such
 as artists, politicians and influencers must be willing to let their lives become material for other
people
 to watch.
people
 will follow the way they act and think.
Thus
, to become a famous person, one must be prepared for the risks that must be faced.
For example
, Prabowo subianto , candide presiden of indonesia. Prabowo was famous ,
people
 tried to find out
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 about him. There was
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 side or positive side
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
prabowo
Change the capitalization
Prabowo
show examples
 life.
However
, popular
people
 deserve a private life. popularity is a bonus from the work they do. they are children, husbands and mothers of a family. they are human beings who need security and comfort like anyone else in their lives. becoming popular is
Add an article
a
the
show examples
similar
Fix the infinitive
to job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 like
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
show examples
, teacher and
other job
Change the wording
another job
other jobs
show examples
 which deserve good treatment from their
cliens
Correct your spelling
clients
client
. In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, famous
people
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 too, so they deserve
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better treatment.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer structure within your essay, including a more distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that sums up the main point.
task achievement
Expand your ideas to fully address all parts of the task. Make sure your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. Include a wider range of relevant examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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