Some people believe that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers instead of benefitting them individually. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is
belief
that says "The main purpose of Add an article
the belief
a belief
schools
is to turn children into good citizens
and workers instead
of benefitting them individually". I mostly agree to
Change preposition
with
this
statement. In this
essay, I will describe the idea that every school
teachs
the same thing, how that Correct your spelling
teaches
teach
benefit
their Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
student
or not and are
there any Correct word choice
whether are
school
that do differentlyFix the agreement mistake
schools
?
First of all, In every Change the punctuation
.
school
, they teach general academic subjects such
as Math
, Science, English and
etc. Correct word choice
apply
In addition
to these subjects, there are lessons intented
to make the Correct your spelling
intended
students
become responsible citizens
of the society. For example
, social studies or law studies that
teach Correct pronoun usage
apply
students
what they should and should not do. And that they will recieve
punishment if they do something wrong. Correct your spelling
receive
Also
, when students
spending
their time in Wrong verb form
spend
schools
, they will learn how to behave and interact with each other. Fix the agreement mistake
school
School
disciplinary
is Replace the word
discipline
also
the way to guide children to the good path.
Furthermore
, because
every Correct word choice
apply
school
have the same standard
for the graduated Fix the agreement mistake
standards
students
. Their curriculums tend to be the same. And that has a negative effect on the student
. Because everyone has his own talent. Teaching students
the same thing doesn't mean that thay
will get equal Correct your spelling
they
score
. To illustrate, when someone who's good at drawing and someone who's good at Fix the agreement mistake
scores
Math
study Algebra together, he who excels at Math
will do better. But, does this
mean that students
who get bad grades are bad student
? No, they may be bad at Fix the agreement mistake
students
Math
but they have something they good
at too. Unfortunately Add a missing verb
are good
that
their capabilities have to be measured with Correct word choice
apply
an
only Correct article usage
apply
same
standard.
Correct article usage
the same
However
, some schools
may not be like the others. There are a few schools
whose intent are
not just to bring up their Correct subject-verb agreement
is
student
to be good people but encourage
them to be the best version of themself. These Fix the infinitive
to encourage
schools
still have the same requirement
for their Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
students
to meet. but they support things that are not in the requirement too. To give examples, some schools
permit students
to join clubs of their interests after studying periods, such
as,
art club, music club and sports club. Remove the comma
apply
Furthermore
, these schools
Change noun form
school's
schools'
curriculum
may not Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
limit
to just science Wrong verb form
be limited
course
and social studies Fix the agreement mistake
courses
course
. They have Fix the agreement mistake
courses
other
Change the wording
another course
other courses
course
like literature, management and art course
too.
To sum it up, every Fix the agreement mistake
courses
school
have similar ways of teaching and preparing their students
to become good citizens
and workers of the societies. Yet, they teach the same things to every students
, despite the fact that everyone is unique and has his own way of learning. Change to a singular noun
student
Therefore
, you could say that this
way of teaching doesn't benefit their students
individually. That's why i
agree with Change the capitalization
I
this
statement. However
, there might be some schools
that do it differently. While
keeping the standards like other schools
, they support their students
individually too. For their
Change preposition
Their
intentions
Fix the agreement mistake
intention
that
Add a missing verb
is that
students
will grow up not only to be good citizens
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
to be themself that they dream of.Submitted by Ze.Nin3.R0 on
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Task Achievement
Task Achievement: Your essay does provide an opinion and several reasons supporting your view, which is good. Nonetheless, to improve, ensure that you fully develop your ideas. Each body paragraph should have a clear central idea that is explained in detail and supported with specific examples or further explanation. Try to show the wider implications of the points you raise, rather than just stating them. Remember, higher band responses typically provide a more nuanced discussion and consider possible counterarguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks clear topic sentences and sometimes paragraphs do not flow logically from one to the other. Use a wider range of connectives and topic sentences to clearly signal the main ideas and organise the supporting information more effectively. Consider the use of paragraphing to structure your ideas clearly, ensuring each paragraph centers around a single theme. Also, try to use cohesive devices appropriately to highlight the relationships between ideas.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is essential for the structure of your essay. However, they could be clearer and more concise. The introduction should clearly state your opinion in response to the question, while the conclusion should succinctly summarise your main points without introducing new information. Aim to make these paragraphs clear and impactful.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
- Summary
- Restatement of thesis
- Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
- In conclusion
- To conclude
- To summarize
- Finally
- In a nutshell
- In general
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