Some people believe that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers instead of benefitting them individually. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is

belief

Add an article

the belief

a belief

show examples

that says "The main purpose of

schools

Use synonyms

is to turn children into good

citizens

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and workers

instead

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of benefitting them individually". I mostly agree

Change preposition

with

show examples

this

Linking Words

statement. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will describe the idea that every

school

Use synonyms

teachs

Correct your spelling

teaches

teach

the same thing, how that

benefit

Correct subject-verb agreement

benefits

show examples

their

student

Use synonyms

or not and

are

Correct word choice

whether are

show examples

there any

Use synonyms

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

that do differently

Change the punctuation

show examples

First of all, In every

school

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, they teach general academic subjects

such

Linking Words

Math

Use synonyms

, Science, English

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

etc.

In addition

Linking Words

to these subjects, there are lessons

intented

Correct your spelling

intended

to make the

students

Use synonyms

become responsible

citizens

Use synonyms

of the society.

For example

Linking Words

, social studies or law studies

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

teach

students

Use synonyms

what they should and should not do. And that they will

recieve

Correct your spelling

receive

punishment if they do something wrong.

Also

Linking Words

, when

students

Use synonyms

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

their time in

Use synonyms

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

, they will learn how to behave and interact with each other.

School

Use synonyms

disciplinary

Replace the word

discipline

show examples

also

Linking Words

the way to guide children to the good path.

Furthermore

Linking Words

because

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

every

school

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have the same

standard

Fix the agreement mistake

standards

show examples

for the graduated

students

Use synonyms

. Their curriculums tend to be the same. And that has a negative effect on the

student

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. Because everyone has his own talent. Teaching

students

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the same thing doesn't mean that

thay

Correct your spelling

they

will get equal

score

Fix the agreement mistake

scores

show examples

. To illustrate, when someone who's good at drawing and someone who's good at

Math

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study Algebra together, he who excels at

Math

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will do better. But, does

this

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mean that

students

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who get bad grades are bad

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student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

? No, they may be bad at

Math

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but they have something they

good

Add a missing verb

are good

show examples

at too. Unfortunately

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

their capabilities have to be measured with

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

only

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

standard.

However

Linking Words

, some

schools

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may not be like the others. There are a few

schools

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whose intent

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

not just to bring up their

student

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to be good people but

encourage

Fix the infinitive

to encourage

show examples

them to be the best version of themself. These

schools

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still have the same

requirement

Fix the agreement mistake

requirements

show examples

for their

students

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to meet. but they support things that are not in the requirement too. To give examples, some

schools

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permit

students

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to join clubs of their interests after studying periods,

such

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

art club, music club and sports club.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, these

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schools

Change noun form

school's

schools'

show examples

curriculum

Fix the agreement mistake

curricula

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may not

limit

Wrong verb form

be limited

show examples

to just science

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course

Fix the agreement mistake

courses

show examples

and social studies

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course

Fix the agreement mistake

courses

show examples

. They have

other

Change the wording

another course

other courses

show examples

course

Use synonyms

like literature, management and art

Use synonyms

course

Fix the agreement mistake

courses

show examples

too. To sum it up, every

school

Use synonyms

have similar ways of teaching and preparing their

students

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to become good

citizens

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and workers of the societies. Yet, they teach the same things to every

Use synonyms

students

Change to a singular noun

student

show examples

, despite the fact that everyone is unique and has his own way of learning.

Therefore

Linking Words

, you could say that

this

Linking Words

way of teaching doesn't benefit their

students

Use synonyms

individually. That's why

Change the capitalization

show examples

agree with

this

Linking Words

statement.

However

Linking Words

, there might be some

schools

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that do it differently.

While

Linking Words

keeping the standards like other

schools

Use synonyms

, they support their

students

Use synonyms

individually too.

For their

Change preposition

Their

show examples

intentions

Fix the agreement mistake

intention

show examples

that

Add a missing verb

is that

show examples

students

Use synonyms

will grow up not only to be good

citizens

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

to be themself that they dream of.

Ze.Nin3.R0Fri Jan 12 2024

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Task Achievement

Task Achievement: Your essay does provide an opinion and several reasons supporting your view, which is good. Nonetheless, to improve, ensure that you fully develop your ideas. Each body paragraph should have a clear central idea that is explained in detail and supported with specific examples or further explanation. Try to show the wider implications of the points you raise, rather than just stating them. Remember, higher band responses typically provide a more nuanced discussion and consider possible counterarguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks clear topic sentences and sometimes paragraphs do not flow logically from one to the other. Use a wider range of connectives and topic sentences to clearly signal the main ideas and organise the supporting information more effectively. Consider the use of paragraphing to structure your ideas clearly, ensuring each paragraph centers around a single theme. Also, try to use cohesive devices appropriately to highlight the relationships between ideas.

Introduction & Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is essential for the structure of your essay. However, they could be clearer and more concise. The introduction should clearly state your opinion in response to the question, while the conclusion should succinctly summarise your main points without introducing new information. Aim to make these paragraphs clear and impactful.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

497 words

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