Many people believe that the priority of the government should be to ensure growing economy. While others believe that the government should focus its effort on uplifting the less fortunate? discuss both views

Whilst individuals claim that
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
continuous
ecnomic
Correct your spelling
economic
growth should be the number one priority for any
country
, others contend the notion that more
resources
should be diverted to alleviate the living
coditions
Correct your spelling
conditions
of economically less advantageous residents. It is my contention that both
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
advancement and
development
of lower tiers of society members should be equally treated by governments, one feeding the other. First and foremost, gross domestic product value is perceived as the salient indicator to determine the success level of a
country
, a high volume representing a better life welfare.
Furthermore
,
economy
Add an article
the economy
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is the backbone of a
country
, literally financing every activity in a
country
, starting from urban
development
and infrastructure construction which are the most important facilities that people should have access to.
For instance
, the most potent
countries
in the world like the US, Japan and Germany sit on the financial
resources
that are worth trillions of dollars, furnishing them with an unparalleled
privilage
Correct your spelling
privilege
which makes other
countries
inferior to them.
Moreover
,
establishment
Add an article
the establishment
show examples
of a secular economy is utterly important for
countries
in order to guarantee their financial freedom by gradually dissipating their dependence on other
countries
in terms of
resources
such
as power, agriculture and technology. Wealth is
also
a key factor
to lead
Change preposition
in leading
show examples
a
country
to success as the investment made into
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
is prone to appreciating in value,
thus
, bringing security to the
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
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.
On the other hand
, it is possible to see economically well-off
countries
where the poor class is developing
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
a significant rate, posing a formidable threat to the sustainable
development
of a
country
. It is important to acknowledge that there are rich
countries
in the world where a majority of residents have to live under the average with scarce
resources
which pulls back the
overall
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
development
indicators bringing a negative image to the
countries
.
For example
,
although
Kanada is considered a financially stable
country
, the number of homeless people
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
sharply rising and
projected
Add a missing verb
is projected
show examples
to hit 2
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
by the end of 2025.
Therefore
,
balancing
Correct article usage
a balancing
show examples
approach is the key
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
leverage
Wrong verb form
leveraging
show examples
Correct article usage
the economical
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
benefits of
countries
to improve the welfare of
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
class. In conclusion,
while
both perspectives have their valid points, finding a balance between economic growth and social welfare is crucial for sustainable
development
.
Nevertheless
, by adopting a holistic approach that addresses the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
of both
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
and the less fortunate, governments can create a more
reslient
Correct your spelling
resilient
and equitable society for future generations.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider diversifying your linking phrases to enhance cohesion further.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments, which can enrich your essay and task achievement score.
General
Review for minor spelling or typographical errors to polish your essay, e.g., 'Kanada' should be 'Canada', 'ecnomic' should be 'economic', etc.
Introduction
Your introduction successfully sets the stage for the discussion by acknowledging both sides of the argument.
Thesis Statement
You have a clear thesis statement that outlines your perspective on the importance of balancing economic growth with social welfare.
Structure
You maintain a clear, logical structure throughout your essay, making your arguments easy to follow.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, reinforcing your balanced viewpoint.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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