IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below show the the information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010.

The chart below show the the information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010.
#show #information #gym #membership
the line graph provides information on gym
membership
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consisting
Change preposition
of female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 between the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1980 and 2010.
Overall
, in the
year
 mentioned, it shows that the number of people having
membership
 is fluctuating
while
 the male dominates
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
 by possessing the
membership
. First of all, men showed
fluctuating
Add an article
a fluctuating
the fluctuating
show examples
 trend in having gym
membership
 from 1980 to 2010 with several notable changes in 1995
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the male
membership
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped to
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 less than 1.900 but reached its peak in 2005 with 5.000
membership
Fix the agreement mistake
memberships
show examples
 recorded before eventually
had
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
sharp
Add an article
a sharp
show examples
 drop in 2010.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 different
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 happened to women with more steady changes. Starting from 1980 the line kept rising from 1000
membership
Fix the agreement mistake
memberships
show examples
 to
all time
Add a hyphen
all-time
show examples
 high in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1995 slightly below 3.000 before encountered
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 decrease back in the
year
 2000 and performed fluctuation over again for the rest of the data presented.
Submitted by imsarunn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words membership, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart, line graph, bar chart
  • depicts, shows, represents
  • male and female gym membership
  • 30-year period
  • significant increase/decrease
  • stable period, plateau
  • trends and patterns
  • compared to, in contrast with
  • rising trend, upward trajectory
  • plummeted, declined sharply
  • remained steady, fluctuated slightly
  • widened gap, narrowing gap
  • membership figures, subscription rates
  • peaked, reached a high
  • bottomed out, reached a low
What to do next:
Look at other essays: