IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others,however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#people #world #lifestyle
It is argued that several
of
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individuals face challenges in having healthier lifestyles in the current world.
However
, there are others who think that it is effortless to be in
a
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good fitness if we encourage ourselves to be. In my opinion, I believe that there are a lot of difficulties to
be
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being
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 in
a
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good well-being,
while
 we can be in good health easily.
On the other hand
, different kinds of people think that they can be
in
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a good fit if they believe to be. For more explanations, everyone can follow the nutritionist's steps or have daily exercises.
Moreover
,
this
 can assist in being in a good healthy weight with strong muscles.
For instance
, many scientists recommend humans to
have
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a
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walk daily for at least 30 minutes which will lead to
have
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a strong posture with a satisfied diet.
On the other hand
, different kinds of people think that they can be
in
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apply
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a good fit if they believe to be. For more explanations, everyone can follow the nutritionist's steps or have daily exercises.
Moreover
,
this
 can assist in being in a good healthy weight with strong muscles.
For instance
, many scientists recommend humans to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
walk daily for at least 30 minutes which will lead to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a strong posture with a satisfied diet.
Finally
, in my opinion, whether there are challenges to be
in
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a better fit or not. I believe that we can face all barriers and get benefits from all afforded and accessible methods.
In other words
, there are several recorded videos on the YouTube website that are presented by well-known and specialised doctors and nutritionists who provide food recommendations to avoid different diseases
such
 as obesity and accurate workouts that can help us to follow easily.
This
 can provide us with better-controlled health. In conclusion, people think that they have barriers to a healthy lifestyle,
while
 others encourage themselves that it is easy to have perfect well-being.
In contrast
,individuals should face these barriers positively and follow positive steps to have a healthy lifestyle.
Submitted by dianaishaq on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are crucial elements of IELTS writing. Make sure to include an introductory paragraph that clearly outlines the topic and your thesis, as well as a concluding paragraph that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is difficult to follow. It is important to organize your paragraphs in a clear and logical way, introducing each point and following it with explanations or examples before moving to the next point.
supported main points
Your main points need more support. Be sure to include specific examples and explanations to back up each point of view you discuss. This helps to create a more convincing and well-supported argument.
complete response
Your response does not fully address the task. You should discuss both views presented in the prompt before giving your own opinion. Make sure to devote at least one paragraph to each view, and clarify your own stance in relation to these.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas within your essay are not clear and are not communicated comprehensively. You should work on clarifying your points, using transitions effectively, and ensuring that each paragraph contains one main idea. This will help to make your writing clear and easy to understand.
relevant specific examples
The essay lacks relevant and specific examples to support the ideas presented. Include concrete examples to illustrate your points and to demonstrate the validity of the arguments you are making.
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