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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the only students who are best academic achievers should be rewarded. Others feel that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In
this
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 modern epoch, there is a matter of intense debate among those who think that the awards should be given only to the
students
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 with high credentials
while
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 the rest opine that
students
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 who show improved
results
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 should be appreciated and awarded.
This
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 essay will look into both the aspects under scrutiny prior to drawing a meaningful verdict. The first and foremost reason why people affirm the former view is that the
students
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 who receive good
results
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 have worked hard for their achievements
whereas
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 the remaining
students
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 studied just to complete their courses.
Hence
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,
students
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 with a good percentage should be rewarded for their hard work.
Further
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,
this
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 way bright
students
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 will be appreciated and will be set as an example. In India,
for example
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, the top 3
students
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 in every class are rewarded for their achievements in front of the. whole school.
On the contrary
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, proponents of the latter viewpoints
also
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 uphold valid arguments and illustrate that when
students
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 are rewarded for the betterment of their
results
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 it helps to encourage the
students
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 to study harder.
This
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 trend would help the schools to increase their
overall
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 success as more
students
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 will work harder to achieve good
results
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.
Besides
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,
this
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 will
also
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 create a sense of equality amongst the
students
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.
For instance
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, all
students
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 whether 80% achiever or 50% achiever, will be awarded for the improvement in their
results
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 and not on the basis of the percentage of the
results
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.
To conclude
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, after thorough research on both sides of the given statements, it cannot be clearer that it is more effective and better to reward the
students
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 who show better changes in their
results
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 and performance and
thus
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, a comprehensive and collaborative approach is required by the schools to follow
this
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.

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures further to enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Try to expand your examples with more details to make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your personal opinion in the conclusion to fulfill the task requirement completely.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Effective introduction of both viewpoints.
task achievement
Clear conclusion summarizing your stance.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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