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Writing Samples
Band 3

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
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The society is currently facing an increase in the elderly
population
, which has sparked debates about the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 phenomenon.
While
 it can be beneficial for the world at a macroscopic level, it can be harmful to certain countries. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the pros and cons of an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
. As
people
 age, they require more financial support from the government. An
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
 is not only linked to longer life expectancies but
also
 to a low birth rate in a country. In Korea, where I reside, younger
people
 are choosing not to marry and have children
due to
 the high cost of living.
This
 means that the younger generation will have to bear the burden of expensive insurance fees for the elderly.
Furthermore
, the government must allocate funds to provide free services to older citizens.
However
, an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
 may have positive effects on the environment. The acceleration of
people
's
aging
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ageing
show examples
 can lead to a decrease in
population
, which can reduce pollution caused by factories and cars. It can
also
 reduce the need for farmland and livestock farming, which produces large amounts of waste and contributes to desertification. As a young person, I agree that an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
 can pose various threats to a country. I believe that younger
people
 should work together to address
this
 issue.
Submitted by yuminlee.kr on

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Task Achievement
Provide a clear introduction that presents the topic and clearly states your view on whether the advantages of an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.
Task Achievement
Present both sides of the argument in balanced paragraphs and make sure to directly address the question by discussing the extent to which you think one side outweighs the other.
Task Achievement
Your essay would benefit from a clearer conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your position on the issue, relating back to the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure logical organization of your essay with clear paragraphing. Each paragraph should present a main idea followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use cohesive devices effectively to link sentences and paragraphs together, and make sure the essay flows logically from one point to the next.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples to support your arguments throughout the essay. These should be relevant to the topic and help to illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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