Some school leavers choose to travel or work for a year before going to university. What might be the reasons for this? What are the disadvantages of this practice? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
Some
school
Correct your spelling
schoolchildren
children
prefer to take a gap year
after graduation before pursuing university
degree. Add an article
a university
This
is because they want to explore their willingness to do in the future and seek adventures. There might be some considering
drawbacks including loss of Correct word choice
apply
their
valuable Correct pronoun usage
apply
time
, and some of them might be prefer
to Change the verb form
prefer
working
Wrong verb form
work
continously
rather than Correct your spelling
continuously
studying
. These drawbacks will be highlighted in Wrong verb form
study
this
essay with some examples.
Firstly
, most children
love to seek avdentures
and take a break Correct your spelling
adventures
adventure
year
such
as traveling
and doing jobs after their graduation. Change the spelling
travelling
However
, this
exploration year
takes at least one year
which means that it is wasting a
Correct article usage
apply
time
and losing a lots
of chances. Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
The
Correct article usage
Time
time
is the most valuable aspect in this
fast-developing era, especially for youths who are seeking higher academic degrees. Therefore
, children
should identify their true passion when they are studying at secondary school, once finding their purpose, it is better to enter the university
as soon as possible. University
students have more opportunity
because they meet various people with academic knowledge. Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
As a result
, those people with academic qualification
are often successful in their future Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
due to
fact
that they can Correct article usage
the fact
used
their networking from the Change the verb form
use
university
.
Furthermore
, some children
might choose to pursue non-educational fields continuously after gaining work experience during their gap period. This
choice may stem from the belief that academic knowledge is not essentia
for earning money and leading a better life. Correct your spelling
essential
However
, various studies have discussed this
phenomenon. For intstance
, a study conducted by Harvard Correct your spelling
instance
University
suggests that individuals with the
higher degrees tend to earn more money compared to those without an academic degree. Correct article usage
apply
Consequently
, pursuing academic qualifications are
considered more crucial.
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
On the other hand
, there are some advantages to taking a gap year
before entering the
Correct article usage
apply
university
, such
as learning a language, traveling
to a desired destination, and preparing for Change the spelling
travelling
university
entrance exams. However
, students can engage in these activities while
they are studying, even they
have summer holidays and semester breaks. Correct word choice
if they
For example
, in Mongolia, most students work during their winter holidays to save money for traveling
. Change the spelling
travelling
For
this
reason, holding a year
back to
entering Change preposition
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
university
may not be a good idea for youngsters.
To conclude
, embracing diverse life experiences such
as traveling
and working can be an interesting journey in our lives. Change the spelling
travelling
However
, children
can experience these activities during their recreational time
. As a result
, I would suggest that children
enter and study their desired university
studies as soon as possible.Submitted by zayashdee on
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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. The current introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and preview of the points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphing effectively to structure your essay. Each main point should be in a separate paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support each point. The current examples are generic or missing, lessen the impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical connections between sentences and paragraphs using cohesive devices appropriately. Some parts of the essay lack these connections, causing disjointed reading.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address the disadvantages of taking a gap year, as the essay tangentially references disadvantages but does not explore them in detail.
coherence cohesion
Conclude the essay by summarizing the main points and restating your position. The current conclusion does not effectively summarize the essay's content.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example