Some school leavers choose to travel or work for a year before going to university. What might be the reasons for this? What are the disadvantages of this practice? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
An array of senior high
school
students are gaping a year before joining student college. They tend to look for a job as well as
choose to visit all over the country. As a matter of fact, they often did
not enjoy studying at all and will follow the same routine when they go to the university. Wrong verb form
do
However
, they still face the
drawbacks, even though they picked their own path. Correct article usage
apply
This
essay will expand on its disadvantages, which are listed below.
On the one hand, travelers waste money
and boros uang, dan tidak menghasilkan apapun. Traveling
seems to be the most enjoyable activity that people do. Change the spelling
Travelling
Nevertheless
(namun), these holidays might cost a bunch of money
due to
the unpermanent residence movement. At the same time, high school
leavers who are facing their first financial independence might unbalance their money
matters in the future if they spend too much on vacation. Thus
, people at that age have to understand how they should manage their budget. For instance
, the Indonesian Childhood Community has been campaigning about financial literacy since early childhood to understand the importance of holding consumption.
On the other hand
, work could not be an option to spend a pupil's gap year. Based on High School
Magazine, high school
workers will pay less than regional
GDP. It Correct article usage
the regional
also
has a lower opportunity to get a proper job, which affects their living costs, and they probably lost interest in pursuing their bachelor's degree because of their hard-to-survive life. In spite of running their time, they should consider taking a supporting course to prepare for their university entrance. To illustrate, student leavers who well prepare for college have a higher probability of being accepted than those who are bussy
spending their work.
Correct your spelling
busy
To conclude
, I reiterate that neither traveling
nor working are the best options for gaping the next level of study. It lacks financial handling Change the spelling
travelling
due to
not only wasting the budget by tripling,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
young adults could save extra money
due to
not receiving a proper salary as a young coworker.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure, with some ideas not flowing naturally from one to the next. Transitions between points should be improved to ensure that the essay progresses logically and that coherent arguments are formed.
Coherence & Cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they are not effectively constructed to establish and summarise the essay's main points. The introduction should clearly state the points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should summarise the arguments made without introducing new information.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported, but the supporting details are underdeveloped or lacking in clarity. Each main point should be developed with clear, relevant examples and explanations that directly relate to the prompt.
Task Achievement
The response fulfills the task to a minimal extent. Both sides of the argument (reasons and disadvantages of taking a gap year) are addressed, but the development of ideas is lacking depth and specificity. Make sure to fully explore reasons, implications, and provide a balanced view where requested.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear and comprehensive, but they require more detailed development to effectively answer the prompt. Aim for greater clarity in presenting arguments and ensure each idea directly relates to the aspects of the question.
Task Achievement
You have attempted to include relevant examples, but they are not sufficiently specific or effectively integrated into your argument. Your examples should be directly related to the points being made and work to strengthen your overall argument.