IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some school leavers choose to travel or work for a year before going to university. What might be the reasons for this? What are the disadvantages of this practice? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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An array of senior high
school
Use synonyms
 students are gaping a year before joining student college. They tend to look for a job
as well as
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 choose to visit all over the country. As a matter of fact, they often
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not enjoy studying at all and will follow the same routine when they go to the university.
However
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, they still face
the
Correct article usage
apply
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drawbacks, even though they picked their own path.
This
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 essay will expand on its disadvantages, which are listed below. On the one hand, travelers waste
money
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 and boros uang, dan tidak menghasilkan apapun.
Traveling
Change the spelling
Travelling
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 seems to be the most enjoyable activity that people do.
Nevertheless
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 (namun), these holidays might cost a bunch of
money
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due to
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 the unpermanent residence movement. At the same time, high
school
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 leavers who are facing their first financial independence might unbalance their
money
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 matters in the future if they spend too much on vacation.
Thus
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, people at that age have to understand how they should manage their budget.
For instance
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, the Indonesian Childhood Community has been campaigning about financial literacy since early childhood to understand the importance of holding consumption.
On the other hand
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, work could not be an option to spend a pupil's gap year. Based on High
School
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 Magazine, high
school
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 workers will pay less than
regional
Correct article usage
the regional
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 GDP. It
also
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 has a lower opportunity to get a proper job, which affects their living costs, and they probably lost interest in pursuing their bachelor's degree because of their hard-to-survive life. In spite of running their time, they should consider taking a supporting course to prepare for their university entrance. To illustrate, student leavers who well prepare for college have a higher probability of being accepted than those who are
bussy
Correct your spelling
busy
show examples
 spending their work.
To conclude
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, I reiterate that neither
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 nor working are the best options for gaping the next level of study. It lacks financial handling
due to
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 not only wasting the budget by tripling
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 young adults could save extra
money
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due to
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 not receiving a proper salary as a young coworker.

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure, with some ideas not flowing naturally from one to the next. Transitions between points should be improved to ensure that the essay progresses logically and that coherent arguments are formed.
Coherence & Cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they are not effectively constructed to establish and summarise the essay's main points. The introduction should clearly state the points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should summarise the arguments made without introducing new information.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported, but the supporting details are underdeveloped or lacking in clarity. Each main point should be developed with clear, relevant examples and explanations that directly relate to the prompt.
Task Achievement
The response fulfills the task to a minimal extent. Both sides of the argument (reasons and disadvantages of taking a gap year) are addressed, but the development of ideas is lacking depth and specificity. Make sure to fully explore reasons, implications, and provide a balanced view where requested.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear and comprehensive, but they require more detailed development to effectively answer the prompt. Aim for greater clarity in presenting arguments and ensure each idea directly relates to the aspects of the question.
Task Achievement
You have attempted to include relevant examples, but they are not sufficiently specific or effectively integrated into your argument. Your examples should be directly related to the points being made and work to strengthen your overall argument.
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