IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that tourism promotes the economy while other argue that tourism destroy the environment. Discuss both views.

#people #tourism #economy #environment
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It is considered by several individuals that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourism
Use synonyms
 enriches the economic sector.
In contrast
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, there are others
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourism
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
has
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 harmful effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
environment
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I believe that there are some bad behaviours from
tourists
Use synonyms
while
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 are visiting other countries,
while
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 they are playing a role in flourishing the
economy
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 in every
visitied
Correct your spelling
visited
 country. On the one hand, many humans say that
tourism
Use synonyms
 has negative perspectives
in
Change preposition
on
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 the
environment
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.
In other words
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, some travellers do not have sufficient awareness
on
Change preposition
of
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 their role in keeping the nature clean which they have visited.
For example
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, many people throw rubbish in
sea
Add an article
the sea
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while
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 they are lying on beaches as
tourists
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.
In addition
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 , these bad behaviours can cause environmental problems,
such
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 as
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
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 of species
due to
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 unclean water like some fish in the sea.
On the other hand
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, numerous
of
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apply
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individuals think that
tourism
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 promotes the
economy
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. For more explanations,
tourism
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 encourages and plays a critical role in supporting the financial growth of every country.
Moreover
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,too many investments are created near the monuments and tourist attractions to meet the needs of travellers like shelters and food.
For instance
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 , Petra is a monument
that is
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 located in Jordan.
Furthermore
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, investors built hotels near the
tourists
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' views to meet every traveller's needs.
As a result
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,
this
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 will enrich the
ecocnomy
Correct your spelling
economy
 of the country.
Finally
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, in my opinion, whether
tourisom
Correct your spelling
tourism
 destroys the
environment
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 or not. It enriches the
economy
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by
Change preposition
through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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increased extended investments ,
such
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 as huge malls specified for shopping which can attract
tourists
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 to buy their needs and souvenirs
as well as
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 support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial growth. In conclusion, many people believe that
tourism
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 several destructions in the
environment
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others think that it will make a positive progress in the
economy
Use synonyms
 sector. People should protect the
environment
Use synonyms
 from every wrong
habits
Change to a singular noun
habit
show examples
 and play their good roles in the
economy
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dianaishaq on

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coherence cohesion
When discussing both views of an argument, it is essential to present each side clearly and distinctly. Ensure to use specific transition phrases to signal the switch between the discussion of the positive and negative effects of tourism.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay lack full elaboration and examples. It is important to expand on ideas and provide clear, relevant examples for each viewpoint to support your arguments fully.
coherence cohesion
To maintain a logical structure throughout the essay, try to create a clear introductory paragraph that outlines the main topics to be discussed, followed by body paragraphs that discuss each viewpoint, and a well-defined conclusion that summarises your perspective.
task achievement
The response marginally addresses the task prompt but needs to develop its main points more thoroughly. Ensure that each paragraph contains a main idea and is followed by explanations or examples that are directly connected to the topic of tourism's impact on the economy and environment.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • generate income
  • local economy
  • development
  • infrastructures
  • quality of life
  • cultural heritage
  • authentic experiences
  • detrimental effects
  • pollution
  • natural habitats
  • depletion
  • natural resources
  • overcrowding
  • carbon footprint
  • global climate change
  • sustainable practices
  • environmental impacts
  • conservation
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