IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people use social media on regular basis in order to keep in touch with the news and with other people. Do you think that the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In contemporary society, social
media
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 has consistently been a topic of interest among the masses. The statement that many individuals prefer to choose social
media
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 as a tool to communicate with others and read the newest released
news
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 presents a viewpoint
that is
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 both thought-provoking and debatable. Despite recognizing the merits and drawbacks behind
this
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 viewpoint, I am inclined to believe it has more disadvantages, as I believe social
media
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 leads to serious mental health trouble and increases misleading
information
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 in society.
It is clear that
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 social
media
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,
such
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 as Instagram and Youtube, are platforms with a 24/7, non-stop cycle of
news
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 reports and numerous fack and true
information
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 just continuously appears on one's pages. The algorithm behind social
media
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 makes
people
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 hard to identify which
information
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 could be trusted.
Furthermore
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, the
news
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 on social
media
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 sometimes is full of prejudices and negative emotions, if individuals are not clever enough, it is easy to be misled. It is
therefore
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 reasonable that if a person uses social
media
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 as the only resource to obtain knowledge is dangerous.
Moreover
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, the aforementioned perspective does not emphasise the main problems which stem from social
media
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 - depression, lack of essential interpersonal communication skills and body shame. Those problems are not only struggling teenagers but
also
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 adults.
For example
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, the texting culture makes
people
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 capable of writing reasonable sentences on the internet but afraid of talking in front of others. I believe
this
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 is the crucial reason why so many
people
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 suffer from the loneliness epidemic.
Such
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 instances support my viewpoint and suggest that addiction to social
media
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 leads to mental health and social problems. In conclusion, given the consideration that social
media
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 causes numerous mental issues, lets
people
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 leak communication skills, and continuously spreads pessimistic
information
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, my allegiance that using social
media
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 as the basic platform to read the latest
news
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 and text with others has more drawbacks is steadfastly consolidated and controvertibly firm.

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task response
While the essay addresses the question, there is room for a more balanced discussion considering both advantages and disadvantages of social media usage before stating your opinion. To enhance your task response, aim to cover all parts of the task and present a clear position throughout the response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the argument could be improved. Consider using more explicit signposting phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. Additionally, working on varied sentence structures and ensuring clear paragraphing will strengthen coherence and cohesion.
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