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Writing Samples
Band 6

Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #money #e #g #holidays #children #retirement #development
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As people enter retirement, many opt to spend their savings on personal desires,
such
 as vacations,
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
show examples
 and other luxuries, rather than setting aside money for their
children
’s future.
This
 can be seen as a positive development for two key reasons: it allows retirees to enjoy the rewards of their hard work,
such
 as visiting new places,
trying
Correct word choice
and trying
show examples
 new food,
clothes
Correct word choice
and clothes
show examples
, and it gives the
children
 the room to grow more independent. Some may think that older individuals should prioritize saving for their
children
. The reasoning behind
this
 is rooted in the idea of parental responsibility, where parents feel obligated to provide financial support to their
children
, even in adulthood.
For instance
, with the increasing cost of education, housing, and raising families, parents feel that it is their duty to contribute financially to ease their
children
’s burden.
On the other hand
, others believe that older individuals have earned the right to spend their savings on themselves.
This
 is because, after years of hard work and raising their
children
, retirees should be allowed to enjoy the fruits of their
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 without guilt. Namely, taking vacations or pursuing hobbies can significantly enhance their quality of life and mental health, ultimately leading to a happier and more fulfilled retirement. In conclusion,
while
 some argue that older people should save for their
children
, it is undeniable that spending on personal enjoyment after retirement is a positive development. Everyone should have the freedom to decide how they wish to use their savings and enjoy their remaining years
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 happiness.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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You presented balanced views by acknowledging both perspectives, which demonstrates a comprehensive approach to the question.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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