IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

In modern society, older
people
Use synonyms
 have different mindsets about
money
Use synonyms
 and investments. Someone will prefer to spend
money
Use synonyms
 on vacations or expensive things.
While
Linking Words
 other categories of
people
Use synonyms
 will choose to save
money
Use synonyms
 for
descendants
Correct pronoun usage
their descendants
show examples
 after retirement.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, someone believes in ideas to enjoy life to the maximum.
While
Linking Words
 others live in the future and think about
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 if they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lose their job. My point of view is that you need to enjoy life and avoid stressful situations, but not every day is a holiday
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is important to think about
their
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
childrens
Check wording
children's
show examples
 future.
This
Linking Words
 essay examines
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 positive and negative parts of the development. On the one hand, it is excellent when older
people
Use synonyms
 spend
money
Use synonyms
 on themselves, because it is an
example
Use synonyms
 of
self love
Use the right word
self-love
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, during old age,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 start to live for
themselfs
Correct your spelling
themselves
 and spend
money
Use synonyms
 on holidays and learn new customs and traditions from other countries.
In addition
Linking Words
, after working
decades
Punctuation problem
decades,
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
 have free time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 relax.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can spend
money
Use synonyms
 on
spa
Correct article usage
a spa
show examples
 to relax or to reserve a table
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 nice restaurant and enjoy tasty dishes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, sometimes old
people
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in children’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In that
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 spending
money
Use synonyms
 irrationally is not suitable because it is better to save
money
Use synonyms
 for
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 achievements.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, parents should keep
money
Use synonyms
 and invest in education or different courses for kids.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is excellent when older
pe apel
Correct your spelling
people
 spend
money
Use synonyms
 on themselves
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
in
Use the right word
it
show examples
Linking Words
also is
Correct word order
is also
show examples
 very important to have a financial balance and invest in children’s education.

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task response
State your view clearly in the intro and keep it in every paragraph.
coherence
Make the idea in each paragraph clear. Use simple link words to show how ideas go from one to next.
examples
Give one or two real examples and explain them in short lines.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Use proper punctuation and make sentences short.
content
The essay shows more than one idea on the topic.
structure
There is a clear point of view.
effort
Some examples are used.
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