Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

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this

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day and age,

people

Use synonyms

tend to live in the moment without thinking about the next day.

This

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development creates a lot of controversy because many

people

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get into financial trouble

as a result

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, and it is generally considered a rather selfish way to live.

Firstly

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, financial responsibility is a highly discussed topic because many

people

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choose to spend everything they produce without saving up.

However

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, the course of life is highly unpredictable, and sometimes unexpected situations that require a lot of money happen,

such

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as an illness or a natural disaster.

This

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is why it is very important to plan, because travelling opportunities will

also

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appear when everything else is taken care of.

For example

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, many

people

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get themselves into debt because of their inability to do so and,

therefore

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, rely on social help in their later years. So, being an adult

also

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means having the ability to prioritise responsibilities to avoid hardships.

Secondly

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, it is very important to understand that having a child is not an eighteen-year-old responsibility but a lifetime one.

Moreover

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parents

Use synonyms

should be aware that they should think first in the best interests of their children. To exemplify, Americans have

this

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huge problem where their students take large student loans that they have to pay for for most of their lives afterwards.

This

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issue could have easily been prevented if the

parents

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had

prioritized

Change the spelling

prioritised

show examples

what is important, because if their kids get into university, that usually means that they will have a better-paying job.

Furthermore

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this

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would benefit the

parents

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as well, because in most cases, children are prone to helping their

parents

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financially.

Therefore

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this

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issue goes full circle.

To conclude

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, it is very important to plan finances, especially because life problems are very versatile, and in most cases, a new leisure opportunity always appears.

acaitaz

May 7, 2024

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task response

Answer the exact question. The task is about older people after retirement, but your essay talks about people in general and parents. This lowers task response.

task response

State your main view more clearly in the introduction, such as why this is mainly negative or positive for older people and their children.

task response

Develop each main idea with a clear link to retired older people. At times, your ideas move to debt, student loans, and adults in general, so the focus is weak.

task response

Use examples that fit the topic more closely. For example, talk about retired parents spending all their money on travel and then being unable to help family in a health problem.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear paragraph order, but some topic sentences are too broad. Make each paragraph start with one direct main point about the question.

coherence cohesion

Some links are hard to follow because of long sentences. Use shorter sentences and simple linking words like first, also, for example, and so.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion is present, but it repeats the idea of planning and does not fully answer whether this development is positive or negative.

coherence cohesion

Support is sometimes general. Add one clear example in each body paragraph and explain it in one or two lines.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

coherence cohesion

You use some linking words well, such as firstly, secondly, moreover, and therefore.

task response

You show a clear opinion that this trend has bad results.

task response

You try to support your ideas with examples like debt and student loans.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people think that when recruiting, companies should aim to take on people who are innovative and able to work independently, while others consider they should recruit people who are able to work in a team and follow instructions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and in the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important to be shared freely.

In some countires , owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people Why might be this case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Nowadays, many people have to work long time, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What employers can do to make their life easier?

Sometimes it is better not to tell the truth. Give your opinion