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Band 7

"Many animal species in the world has become extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protects these animals from dying out, while others say that we should concentrate more on problems of human being. Discuss both view and give your opinion"

#species #world #people #countries #individuals #animals
It is true that a plethora of wild
animals
 are on the verge of extinction
due to
 human’s insatiable need for economic property. In light of
this
, animal conservation has long been a popular topic of interest.
However
, some argue that preserving endangered species is unnecessary and these funds should be diverted to projects that directly benefit humankind.
While
this
 thinking is partially justifiable, I believe that it is in the interests of humankind to devote more effort to saving wild
animals
 There are several reasons why many people are convinced that there should be more contributions to human welfare. Advocates can argue that there are more urgent and pressing issues today that must be addressed than protecting
wildlife
.
For instance
, nations where unemployment, poverty, and famine are rife and in severe need of assistance to alleviate
such
 problems and raise living standards. In comparison with these urgent problems, protecting the extinction of some
animals
 seems like an unworthy cause Despite the aforementioned justifications, I still believe that it is imprudent to ignore the importance of combatting the demise of some
animals
.
That is
 to say, humans have an inseparable relationship with
wildlife
, which means that the extinction of wild
animals
 could take a heavy toll on the survival of humankind. America is a typical example, where more than a quarter of prescriptions contain substances found in
animals
 and plants.
Therefore
, preserving wild
animals
 is crucial because if they are vulnerable, their medical benefits will
also
 disappear.
This
 is a testament to how spending on the preservation of
wildlife
 is synonymous with safeguarding the existence of humans
Although
 it seems that protecting human interests should be taken into precedence, I still believe that protecting
wildlife
 is no less important
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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task achievement
It is imperative that you provide more specific examples to support your viewpoints. The essay tends to be abstractive without solid evidence to substantiate the claims.
coherence cohesion
The essay must be organized in a more logical manner. Ideas should flow from one to the next in a clear sequence, and paragraphs must be well-connected with appropriate use of linking phrases.
task achievement
Develop your argumentation further. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and be expanded with detailed explanation and illustration.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are aligned and that both reflect a clear stance on the issue, thus enhancing the essay's coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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