IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people belive that robots are very important to human’s future development, whilw others believe they are dangerous and negatively affect society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #belive #robots #human’s #future #development #whilw #society
Robots
 have been making our lives so much easier ,
hence
 some people think they might not be good for our future or even hurt us in some ways. I strongly disagree with
this
 statement. these days
robots
 have many benefits for human lives
for example
 there are bots that help us heal our mental health , choose things that suit us the best ,learn new things with their help ,or even answer all our questions and do many of the tasks that before them they would take a lot of time and energy from us ,
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 chat gpt is a bot that can solve many of your problems and you can ask any question that you want and in some
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 it will give you the best answers and make you save more time. another thing that leads us to have these negative mindsets toward
robots
 is the effect of fictional movies, series , books etc ,that
displayed
Wrong verb form
display
show examples
robots
 as villains or creatures who destroy humans take control of the world and start to do evil things
for example
 there is a series called west world which the story is exactly about how bad
robots
 can be .
while
 us humans should be more thoughtful and see the positive effects of these equipment on our world.
to sum up
 , except for some workers who have been replaced by
robots
 literally, we can only see benefits from
this
 technology that helps us every day to raise the quality of our lives.
Submitted by behnazahmadi2004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
The essay lacks a clear structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs. This detracts from the coherence and cohesion of your essay. Ensure your essay has a clear introductory paragraph that outlines the discussion topics, followed by body paragraphs where each view is discussed thoroughly, and a final concluding paragraph where your opinion is clearly stated and summarized.
coherence
There is a distinctive lack of topic sentences and clear transitions between ideas. This makes it challenging for the reader to follow the line of argument throughout the essay. To improve, use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that signpost what the paragraph will discuss, and employ cohesive devices to connect your ideas logically.
task response
The essay doesn't completely answer the task as it fails to adequately discuss both sides of the argument before giving a personal opinion. Both viewpoints should be covered with corresponding explanations and examples before a personal position is offered. Expanded discussion and deeper analysis of the opposing view are necessary for a balanced essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!