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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the average cost of monthly contract for four different mobile (cell phones) in a European country from January to September 2002, measured in euro.

The chart below shows the average cost of monthly contract for four different mobile (cell phones) in a European country from January to September 2002, measured in euro.
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The line graph illustrates the
amoun
Correct your spelling
amount
 of money per month for contracts
four
Change preposition
for four
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 different mobile in a European country over the
nine months
Correct your spelling
nine-month
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 period in 2002, calculated in
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
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. From
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
an overall
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 perspective,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in January cell phone Domo had the highest average
cost
Use synonyms
 of monthly
contract
Fix the agreement mistake
contracts
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,
while
Linking Words
 in
September
Use synonyms
 the patterns of Alpha
figure
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 extremely increased. Look at the graph for more detail,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in January the average
cost
Use synonyms
 of
monthly
Add an article
the monthly
a monthly
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 contract for Domo was 15,
however
Linking Words
 by
September
Use synonyms
 the
figure
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 had risen to approximately 25.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
figure
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Alpha cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 was 5,
nevertheless
Linking Words
 in
September
Use synonyms
 the
figure
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant rise to 25, there was near fivefold increase,
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
cost
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 for Sim TX fluctuated between 7 and 13,
therefore
Linking Words
 did not
witnessed
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witness
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dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
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 changes. The
figure
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
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 Lex phone saw the lowest average
cost
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 in February, despite
this
Linking Words
 until
September
Use synonyms
 slightly increased to 17.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cost, september, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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