IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Ordinary people often copy famous people they see on TV and in magazines. why do they do this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In recent years, common individuals have started to follow renowned
people
Use synonyms
 they see in the media.
This
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 can be linked with a few key reasons. In my opinion, it is a positive
trend
Use synonyms
 as long as
this
Linking Words
 imitation is not excessive.
On
Use the right word
One
show examples
 of the main reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 imitate celebrities is the desire to achieve
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 level of recognition. Media often highlights their luxuory
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 including expensive clothings, international vacations, and the public attention they gain. Their fame is often linked with wealth, success, and happiness. By seeing all these, many common
people
Use synonyms
 especially youngsters believe that they can
also
Linking Words
 appear more attractive and improve their social image by coping their behavior, habits, and dressing sense. On the positive side, copying famous
people
Use synonyms
 can act as a powerful source of motivation. By seeing their struggle, volunter works for charity, and health
lifestyles
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can start to focus on their future goals and participate in well-being of their society. At the same time,
people
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 adopt healthy
lifestyles
Use synonyms
, including going to gym, and eating healthy food.
This
Linking Words
 not only results in personal growth but
also
Linking Words
 create a positive impact on their soceity.
However
Linking Words
, problems can arise when
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 is followed blindly. Many
people
Use synonyms
 feel pressure of coping their
lifestyles
Use synonyms
. Celebrities often promote products, and the gedgets in the television channels, which are sometimes quite expensive. Public are more likely to spend their money beyond their expectations, leading to put a financial burden on them. Similary, eminent
people
Use synonyms
 usually undergo different surgeries to make their appearance attractive. When
people
Use synonyms
 try to copy them, they normally get pessimistic because everyone cannot affordable sugeries.
This
Linking Words
 practices can create undue stress, leading to low self-estreem.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the celebrities are being followed by common
people
Use synonyms
 they see in the media channels because normal individuals want to become as their role models. I contend that
this
Linking Words
 is a positive
trend
Use synonyms
 unless they follow them wisely. A balance approached is needed to accepting to own personality and taking inspirations from famous
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why people copy famous people, and why this is more positive than negative.
task response
Add one or two more clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Some ideas are good but not fully explained. Develop each main point with a short reason and result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, like 'however' and 'to conclude', but some sentences still feel a bit hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea. This will help the essay feel more smooth and clear.
task response
You answered both questions in the task and gave your opinion clearly.
task response
Your main view is clear: this trend can be good if people do not follow famous people too much.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphs well, and the order of ideas is mostly logical.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: