IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Ordinary people often copy famous people they see on TV and in magazines. why do they do this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

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In recent years, the public has started to follow
celebrities
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 they see in the media.
This
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 essay will analyse the reasons behind the scenario. I believe that
this
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 is a negative trend. One of the main reasons is why
people
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 imitate the behaviour and style of famous
people
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 is to gain the same level of recognition.
Celebrities
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 are associated with happiness, success, and a healthy lifestyle, which can make them highly appealing as role model. When Television and Magazines highlight their lifestyles, ordinary
people
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 think that they can
also
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 become successful in their own lives by following
celebrities
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' habits, choices, and attitudes.
However
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, I contend that imitating famous
people
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 is a pervasive trend.
This
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 can place a financial burden on individuals because acquiring material possessions similar to those owned by famous
people
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 can be extremely expensive , especially for less-affluent
people
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. When they try to purchase them via credit card, they are more likely to spend more than their limits. If they are unable to repay their bank balance before the due date, they can fall into a debt trap, leading to put a immense pressure on them. Another drawback is the loss of self-identity. When
people
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 start to follow
personality
Correct article usage
the personality
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 and
behavior
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behaviour
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 of
celebrities
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 blindly, they neglect their own choices
,
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apply
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 and ways of thinking.
This
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 can create unrealistic images, leading to loss
self-esteem
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of self-esteem
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, confidence, and creativity in the long run as
people
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 begin to compare themselves with the images of
celebrities
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.
To conclude
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,
people
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 copy famous individuals to achieve a celebrity-like appearance, which is the main cause of these practices. I reckon that
this
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 is a destructive trend since individuals can experience financial strain.

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task response
Answer all parts more fully. You explain why people copy famous people, but your view on why this is bad can be a bit more clear and full.
task response
Give one more clear example. For example, you can add a short real-life case about buying costly clothes or beauty items.
task response
Keep your main idea the same in each body part. One body part can be about money, and one body part can be about loss of self.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. To make it stronger, use linking words more carefully and avoid awkward lines like 'One of the main reasons is why'.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are linked well, but some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice. Write shorter and clearer sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one clear topic sentence and then support it with 2 or 3 simple points.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give a clear opinion that this is a negative trend.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, and both match the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs have clear main ideas such as money problems and loss of self-identity.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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