Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity? (Write 250 words.)
In make their life better by making them feel better from
this
present world, the rate of childhood obesity has been increasing. Everybody has same
concern and Correct article usage
the same
try
to find Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
the
solution Correct article usage
a
for
Change preposition
to
this
. Therefore
, this
essay will discuss the major causes of this
issue and provide solution
in the following paragraph.
Add an article
a solution
the solution
Firstly
, the two main causes of child obesity are lack of physcial
activities in school and access to Correct your spelling
physical
technologies
. Primary , the school Fix the agreement mistake
technology
pressure
Fix the agreement mistake
pressures
children
to better
in theoretical subjects Add a missing verb
do better
instead
of involving them in games like soccer,ice
hockey . Correct word choice
and ice
Secondly
, giving access to technology by
parents to Change preposition
apply
children
.Correct word choice
and children
For instance
, 10 to 12 year old
Add a hyphen
12-year-old
children
like to play videogames
in Correct your spelling
video games
the
group and Correct article usage
a
sitting
around for 10 hours Wrong verb form
sit
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
while
eating snacks on the side . Therefore
, children
weight has Change noun form
children's
been
increased and problems keep on getting hard.
Unnecessary verb
apply
However
, there are some measures we can take to stop this
issue and if we followed
Wrong verb form
follow
then
this
could be getting better soon. First , Increase
Correct article usage
an Increase
of
Change preposition
in
physcial
activity period in Correct your spelling
physical
the
educational Correct article usage
apply
insitution definately
Correct your spelling
institutions definitely
make
Change the verb form
makes
big
change . Activity Add an article
a big
the big
period
increase motivation in Fix the agreement mistake
periods
children
and keep them healthy at same
time . Add an article
the same
Secondly
, parents Correct word choice
and guardian
guardian
to give limited access to Fix the agreement mistake
guardians
children for
video games and provide Change preposition
children's
Correct article usage
a heathy
heathy
diet on the side . Involve Correct your spelling
healthy
children
in houework
and spend some quality time with themCorrect your spelling
housework
homework
Fix the infinitive
to
inside
too.
Correct article usage
the inside
At
the end , there is no doubt the rate of childhood obesity in Change the preposition
In
children
increasing drastically but it can be controlled by providing right
direction to Correct article usage
the right
children
.Submitted by kmlchahal97 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay needs a more structured introduction, body, and conclusion with clearer topic sentences and transitions to guide the reader through your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences directly relate to this main idea, enhancing the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and use a range of sentence structures to improve the readability of the essay.
task achievement
You should elaborate on the causes and solutions to childhood obesity by providing more depth and specific examples.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address the task prompt with a focused response that covers all aspects of the question.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common and more academic terms, to address the topical vocabulary for childhood obesity.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example