IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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A large number of the average
weight
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 of
people
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 who serve decreases their
levels
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 of
health
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.
This
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 is mainly because of the lack of physical activity and accessibility to junk
food
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. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
levels
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 of
health
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.
Firstly
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, the reason for increasing
weight
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 is because so much
food
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 and drinks have the largest carbohydrates.
For example
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, tend to contain high quantities of cheap and fast
food
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such
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 as burgers or fried chicken,
while
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 soft drinks often contain a large
sugar
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 composition.
Secondly
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, not only consume unhealthy
food
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, but the population prefers using a car or motorcycle
instead
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 of walking.
As a consequence
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, carbohydrates are not burdened by physical activities which can lead to
weight
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 gain and decrease their
levels
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 of
health
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.
However
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, to tackle the problem the government should take responsibility for decreasing the average
weight
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 gain by making
sugar
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 taxes.
Sugar
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 taxes can minimise
people
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's buying of soft drinks.
Moreover
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, to encourage
people
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 to do activities, the government taking the highest prices of fuel to make citizens think twice or more about purchasing petrol or a used car.
For instance
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, the high prices of petrol in Japan make citizens make the effort to walk rather than take the car out on the road.
As a result
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, many of the citizens in Japan had the highest
levels
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 of
health
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.
To sum up
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, carbohydrates and
sugar
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 are one of the main reasons for increasing the number of
weight
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.
Therefore
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, the government's alternative with making
sugar
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 taxes and increasing the price of petrol to encourage
people
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 to have healthy lifestyles.

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introduction
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the topic and your main points in a more cohesive manner. This will provide a better roadmap for your essay.
supporting details
Provide more specific examples and details to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
paragraph structure
Work on the logical flow between paragraphs to ensure each idea smoothly transitions to the next. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task response
You identify two main causes for weight gain and declining health: lack of physical activity and consumption of unhealthy food, which shows a clear understanding of the topic.
solutions and suggestions
The essay suggests practical solutions (sugar tax and high fuel prices) showing an effort to propose tangible measures.
conclusion
The essay ends with a conclusion that summarises the main points discussed, providing a sense of closure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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