In many countries,people are now living longer than ever before. Some people sayan aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?
In most
of
Change preposition
apply
the
nations, Correct article usage
apply
current
life expectancy of individuals is higher than past. Some claim that Add an article
the current
total
amount of people in their old Correct article usage
the total
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
make
issues towards the authorities, Verb problem
have
while
others believe that it is advantageous when community
comprises with high amount of older people. Living with elders offers numerous opportunities to Correct article usage
a community
the
society. Their experience Correct article usage
apply
gives
Verb problem
has
tremendous
effect Correct article usage
a tremendous
for build
future generations. Change preposition
on building
Therefore
, the positive developments are significant than its’
drawbacks.
It is stated that Correct your spelling
its
increment
Correct article usage
the increment
of
Change preposition
in
elder
count caused to burden for regulation bodies. It is mostly for their medical treatments Correct article usage
the elder
due to
their ill health and poor immunity systems. The cost incur
for Wrong verb form
incurred
heath
activities is higher and sometimes they need separate helpers named caregivers and additional financial aids. But, when compared to their contribution to the economy of the country it can be justified.
In various academic sectors experienced senior consultants Correct your spelling
health
are play
a crucial role. Change the verb form
play
For instance
fulfilment of qualified
medical officer needs a Correct article usage
a qualified
six month
Add a hyphen
six-month
of
internship under Change preposition
apply
qualified
senior doctor. Because some measures could be not Add an article
the qualified
a qualified
gain
by referring Wrong verb form
gained
documents
it mainly needs proper guidance. Change preposition
to documents
This
can be easily achieved from
the senior citizens who remained their Change preposition
by
life long
time.
Add a hyphen
life-long
On the other hand
, when elders live more
they Rephrase
longer
engaged
in their employment Add a missing verb
are engaged
extended
years and it is much promotional to their companies Change preposition
for extended
other
than Correct word choice
apply
recruitment
of fresh employees. It saved the cost of orientations and awareness time for training in Correct article usage
the recruitment
company
.
In conclusion, even though Add an article
the company
a company
extended
Correct article usage
the extended
life time
of older people Correct your spelling
lifetime
make
inconveniences to the state authorities they offer substantial benefits for the development of the nation.Verb problem
causes
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak and could be improved by clearly outlining the main points and ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more concise and clearly reflect the main argument of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points require better support with more detailed explanations and specific examples. Consider expanding on each point with evidence or anecdotes to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The response is complete, but the argument would benefit from a more thorough exploration of the advantages and disadvantages, with a clearer position on the extent to which one outweighs the other.
task achievement
The ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on articulating thoughts in a way that is precise and easy for the reader to follow.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to illustrate the points. Doing this will help to make the essay more convincing and relatable to the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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