In the future, the main reason for going to shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. do you agree or disagree?

#future #reason #mall #entertainment #shop

Shopping centres have multifunctional reasons for society to visit. There is an argument that said mart will have a primary purpose as an entertainment compared to a shop in the future. I wholeheartedly agree.

This

essay will articulate the reason behind the changes in its function.

Firstly

, many public visit a market to relax through entertainment. They could hang out at the cinema, tasting culinary food or playing a game which is located in the shopping centre.

Consequently

this

will benefit them in relieving their stress after the long run of duty.

For instance

, lots of middle generations go to the theatre on the weekend to watch new releases,

thus

they can be found in the plaza with their support systems.

In addition

, just walking around the mall could make people satisfied with the view of shimmering decorations.

Secondly

, online shopping is more popular and flexible compared to the convenience store.

Therefore

, the crowd can enjoy themself shopping through the internet because of the ease of services and more updates which they can do without attending the store.

This

interest becomes wider and absorbed as a habit among the citizens.

For example

,if a housewife tries to find a new model of room decoration, she can find it on the online platform

while

the convenience store is out of date.

Hence

this

makes them think to leave the centre for shopping activity. In conclusion, I believe in the future most people will go to the shopping centre which is in good reason to entertain themself. They prefer to shop through online platforms because of the flexibility and updated fashion.

This

will change the function of the plaza as an entertainment place in the future as the argument exists.

Submitted by Nabillaa808 on Sat Jan 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

While the essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, it would benefit from more explicit statements of the main argument to improve coherence.

coherence cohesion

To strengthen the logical structure, consider using a wider range of connectives and clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph.

coherence cohesion

Support main points with a combination of strong examples and detailed explanation to enhance the argument. Simply citing a somewhat general example like 'lots of middle generations go to the theater' may not be compelling enough without further specifics or data.

task achievement

Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the prompt clearly. While the essay does address the future of shopping malls, there could be more development of how exactly these changes will occur and more discussion of the contrast between current and future usage of shopping malls.

task achievement

Develop ideas more comprehensively by exploring the implications or counterarguments to your points, providing a more nuanced and detailed response.

task achievement

Include more varied and specific examples to support the argument. This could come from case studies, statistics, or anecdotal evidence that is directly relevant to the argument being made.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In the future, the main reason for going to shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. do you agree or disagree?

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