Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #music #individuals #stress #anxiety

Music

play

Change the verb form

plays

show examples

a Vital role in each individual

lives

Fix the agreement mistake

life

show examples

and

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

it's

Replace the word

its

show examples

own benefits as well.

Therefore

, some

people

believe that

music

act

Change the verb form

acts

show examples

as a tool to

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

decrease

people

stress

and

anxiety

. I agree with

this

statement because

music

has a positive impact on

people

lives

. Nowadays,

music

servers

Replace the word

serves

show examples

as a tool to reduce

people

stress

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

. Because, when

people

got

Wrong verb form

get

show examples

stressed, their body release

hormone

Fix the agreement mistake

hormones

show examples

called cortisol into the

blood stream

Correct your spelling

bloodstream

show examples

whch

Correct your spelling

which

increase

Correct subject-verb agreement

increases

show examples

the

stress

level.

Whereas

, when we listen to

music

, it releases

hormone

Add an article

a hormone

show examples

called serotonin which

act

Correct subject-verb agreement

acts

show examples

as a tool to reduce

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

stress

For instance

doctor's

Change noun form

doctors

show examples

suggest their patients to listen to

music

who have

stress

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

. Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it makes some hormonal changes and helps to cope with

stress

in a better way. At the same time,

music

also

helps

people

to reduce their

anxiety

. The main reason for

anxiety

due to

one's negative

thoughts

and cluttered

mind

. In

this

case ,

music

provide

Change the verb form

provides

show examples

some kind of calmness and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

the

mind

relax

Wrong verb form

relaxed

show examples

which helps the

mind

to declutter and organise the

thoughts

better.

As a result

people

can deal with

anxiety

in a

Change the word

apply

show examples

better way.

For example

, studies conducted in Harvard

medical school

Correct your spelling

Medical School

show examples

reveals

Correct subject-verb agreement

reveal

show examples

that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

people

who listen to

music

have clear

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

and positive

thoughts

rather than

having

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

anxious

thoughts

and

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

. In conclusion,

music

play

Change the verb form

plays

show examples

Change the article

show examples

essential role in

people

lives

to cope with their

anxiety

and

stress

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

by reducing it . So, I agree that

music

has a positive impact on human

lives

helps

Wrong verb form

helping

show examples

to lower the

stess

Correct your spelling

stress

and

anxiety

Submitted by insighttribez on Sat Jan 13 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, ensure that the essay has a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph should clearly link to the main argument, and transitions between paragraphs should be smooth. Aim to vary your connecting words and phrases to enhance cohesion.

task achievement

Regarding task achievement, while the response is overall complete, it is essential to fully develop your ideas with clear, comprehensive explanations and specific examples. Make sure each paragraph expands on your main points distinctly, and use more detailed, illustrative examples to substantiate your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

266 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on other planets. Some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problems of public. To what extent do you agree?
Nowadays, with the development of technologies means that scientists are increasingly getting the chance to discover the universe and the government is ready to pay millions of dollars to do it. But some others think that instead of wasting money to explore the galaxy, authorities should pay attention to addressing the public's issues. In my opinion, I agree that the government should spend money to solve social problems.
6.5
band
In many part of the world, it is common for one parent to stay and home and raise a newborn child while the other works full-time to earn money. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
There is no doubt that in various parts of the world, it's customary for one parent to remain at home and nurture a newborn child while the other parent assumes full-time employment to provide financial support. The question arises: do the benefits of this arrangement outweigh the drawbacks?
6
band
In many countries, people are living in a "throwaway society" where things are used for a short time and thrown away. what are the causes of this and what problems does it lead to?
Individuals in many nations have started buying single-use items more often and this could have some serious implications for our planet. This essay recognises that the "throwaway" tradition developed by societies in some countries is a result of companies producing more disposable products and our community's negligence towards the effects of embracing such a culture. It then attempts to highlight the main implications of this practice- wastage of resources and harmful environmental impacts.
7
band
Some people say that advetising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things . others people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it . discuss both the views and give your opinion?
some argue that it is quite successful with advertisement as it promotes buyers into spending more money while other opinions explain that people are losing their attention due to commodities. I will discuss both statements as I give my personal thinking.
5.5
band
Colleges and universities should require all faculty to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.
Learning from the real-life experiences could be the best way to perceive the knowledge heartily which may be last forever. That’s why, teachers should be bounded by the college and universities to work and see the things outside the academic life or theoretical view to practice the learning in real life example. I mostly support the prompt and will argue that why I have taken this stance within this disquisition.

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on other planets. Some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problems of public. To what extent do you agree?

In many part of the world, it is common for one parent to stay and home and raise a newborn child while the other works full-time to earn money. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, people are living in a "throwaway society" where things are used for a short time and thrown away. what are the causes of this and what problems does it lead to?

Some people say that advetising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things . others people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it . discuss both the views and give your opinion?

Colleges and universities should require all faculty to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.