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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proporsional of Energy produced from different sources in a country between 1985 and 2003

The chart below shows the proporsional of Energy produced from different sources in a country between 1985 and 2003
#energy #sources #country
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The amount of many
energy
Use synonyms
 resources produced in one country in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1985 and 2003, the chart illustrates the percentage of
energy
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 produced. In the
year
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 1985, the amount of
oil
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produce
Wrong verb form
produced
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 was over 50%, reaching 52% and it is the largest portion
in
Change preposition
of
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 the
year
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. Nuclear power
production
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 was next on the list with 22% in the
year
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,
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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energy
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such
Linking Words
 as hydro, coal or natural gas are
also
Linking Words
 having a piece on the
energy
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production
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 list.
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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energy
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 like renewable
energy
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source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 was not too popular at the time. but in the
year
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 2003,
oil
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 was still at the top of the list but with quite a shocking
numbers
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number
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 at 39% a
year
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, a 13% decrease in
oil
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production
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. Nuclear power had a 14% decrease, from 22% down to just 8%, even more than
oil
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production
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. Meanwhile, coals and natural gas have increased
13
Change preposition
by 13
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% and 10%, quite a big change in 18 years. in conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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energy
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production
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 has
a
Add a missing verb
had a
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big change in many industries, but the need
of
Change preposition
for
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oil
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 has always been a top priority. Renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 getting more popular, humans need Earth to be habitable so using more renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 is a smart move.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, year, oil, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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