The amount of sport, shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sport events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s society,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the rise of a wide range of
sports
exposure on television,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
results in affecting live
sports
events
.The question of whether
this
phenomenon is beneficial has become a matter of considerable debate. From my perspective,
this
trend definitely brings numerous benefits that outweigh the drawbacks. On primary reason is that televised
sports
offer unparalleled accessibility. People who cannot attend live
events
due to
financial, geographical, or personal constraints can still enjoy watching their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
teams and athletes.
This
inclusivity fosters a broader interest in
sports
, promoting physical activity and healthy lifestyles among viewers.
Moreover
, the revenue generated from televised
sports
is substantial. Broadcasters invest heavily in purchasing broadcasting rights, and these funds often flow back into the
sports
industry.
This
financial support can enhance the quality of sporting
events
, improve facilities, and fund grassroots programs that nurture future talent. Advertisements and sponsorships associated with televised
sports
also
create economic opportunities and drive business growth.
However
,it is undeniable that increased TV coverage can lead to decreased live attendance,
this
Correct word choice
but this
show examples
impact is not necessarily negative.
Due to
the convenience of television broadcasting, people can choose from a variety of places to watch
sports
events
,
such
as
sports
bars and restaurants.
This
provides more opportunities for people to gather and interact with each other, rather than having to be at a specific event location. In conclusion, the advantages of more televised
sports
, including greater accessibility, community building, and economic benefits, significantly outweigh the disadvantages. The shift towards increased television coverage is a positive trend that supports the
sports
industry and engages a wider audience.
Submitted by zora840810 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay offers a complete response to the prompt and covers both the benefits and drawbacks of televised sports. To reach a higher score, you could provide more specific examples, such as mentioning particular sports or events that have benefited from TV coverage.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and well-expressed. However, adding a bit more depth to your arguments would strengthen your essay. Discussing both short-term and long-term effects or comparing different types of sports (e.g., popular vs. niche sports) could make your writing even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Structurally, your essay is very strong. The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and effectively summarize your main points. To improve further, you could use more varied linking phrases to enhance the connectivity between paragraphs and within each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported, but aim to elaborate more on examples and evidence to make your arguments even more convincing. Consider using data or studies to back up your claims.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets up the essay and provides a nice overview of the issue at hand.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and clearly states your position.
logical structure
The logical flow of your essay is impressive. Each paragraph builds on the previous one, making your argument coherent and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: