IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, the gap between the rich and the poor is widening. What problems does this situation cause, and what solutions can you suggest?

In these modern days,
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a vital role in all countries and individuals, everyone must have money to buy things. Recently, some
people
Use synonyms
claims
Change the verb form
claim
show examples
 that the gap between the rich and poor is widening in many areas of the world. From my point of view, it
has been
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a serious issue that cannot be ignored by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
. First of all, education could be a factor that
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem, children who
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 can receive systematic learning at school, but poverty
couldn't
Wrong verb form
can't
show examples
,
they
Correct word choice
as they
show examples
 don't have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to send their kids to school.
Therefore
Linking Words
, those poor kids did not have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to gain knowledge and lost the stepping stone to get into work to earn money. In some certain cases,
people
Use synonyms
 with
disable
Replace the word
disabilities
show examples
 cannot study well,
this
Linking Words
 might be a reason they fail in future.
Besides
Linking Words
, in some countries,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 did not give more attention to these struggling
people
Use synonyms
, they more focus on
court
Wrong verb form
courting
show examples
 rich
people
Use synonyms
.
Thence
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, the poverty group do not have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to turn over their fate.
However
Linking Words
, there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 some
approach
Fix the agreement mistake
approaches
show examples
 to decrease the gap between rich and poor. It is never too late to mend,
government
Use synonyms
 need to take immediate action to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, especially
provide
Wrong verb form
by providing
show examples
 free
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
 to them. Some universities and
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
also
Linking Words
 provide
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
 to students who perform
excellent
Change the adjective
excellently
show examples
 in
examination
Fix the agreement mistake
examinations
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, those poor kids have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in future and even repay
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their home country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, charity programs can be conducted to help poverty
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 to let them have a better life. In some countries, there
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a mandate rule regarding
minimum
Add an article
the minimum
show examples
 salary of
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
, it is an approach to
assure
Verb problem
ensure
show examples
staff's
Change noun form
staff
show examples
 benefits.
Tax
Add an article
The tax
show examples
 imposes should
be reduce
Change the verb form
be reduced
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those poor
people
Use synonyms
 so that they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can have a better financial condition to focus on their health and education. Taking everything into a nutshell, shrinking the gap between wealthier and poorer is necessary for a country. Everyone should take serious on
this
Linking Words
 topic
, especially
Rephrase
seriously, especially
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, income inequality can be adapted in the future.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay, with introductory phrases, clear paragraphs, and conclusive sentences that connect to each other.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices effectively, such as linking words and referent pronouns, to connect sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas fully, including clear topic sentences in each paragraph, and support them with specific examples or evidence where appropriate.
Task Achievement
Stay focused on the question throughout the essay, avoiding irrelevant information or general statements that do not address the prompt.
Language
Avoid grammatical and spelling errors as they can hinder the clarity and impact of your arguments.
Lexical Resource
Work on a more natural and varied use of English vocabulary to more accurately express complex ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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