IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
Science
 plays an important role in
people
's development from time to time.
However
, since
17th
Correct article usage
the 17th
show examples
 century,
sciece
Correct your spelling
science
 has more and more improvement
decades
Fix the agreement mistake
decade
show examples
 by
decades
Fix the agreement mistake
decade
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will explain why I strongly agree with
statement
Add an article
the statement
show examples
 that the main purpose of
science
 is to make
human's
Change the noun form
humans
human
show examples
 live better.
Firstly
, natural
science
 has become very helpful
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 increasing the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of healthy
people
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and their life longevity. Medical
science
 has
provide
Change the verb form
provided
show examples
 many ways to cure some diseases or make a
preventious
Correct your spelling
pretentious
prevention
previous
 way so
people
 can avoid
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illness.
For example
, children
with age
Change preposition
aged
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
3 to 5
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are given
influenza
Correct article usage
an influenza
show examples
 vaccine so for the next time they will not get affected by
influenza
Add an article
the influenza
an influenza
show examples
 virus.
In addition
, with more advanced
science
 and helped with
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
, medical
science
 can
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
people
 who face
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
dying.
Secondly
, social
science
also
 plays
integral
Change the article
an integral
show examples
 part
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in a
country
 with
democracy
 ideology. In
democracy
Replace the word
a democratic
show examples
country
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 a policy based on
conditions
Correct article usage
the conditions
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
country
 at the moment and
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
country
.
For example
, Indonesia become
democracy
Replace the word
a democratic
show examples
country
 since 1998, the government
make
Wrong verb form
has made
show examples
 new policies that
suits
Correct subject-verb agreement
suit
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their society. They
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
realized a dictator
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 was really disliked by
people
 and it can be dangerous when
people
 assembled did the demo. Since Indonesia become a
democracy
Replace the word
democratic
show examples
country
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 and society can
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
collaboration
Replace the word
collaborate
show examples
 and it
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 more peaceful. All in all, I strongly agree
science
 helped boost
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life in
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of aspects. Both natural and social
science
Fix the agreement mistake
sciences
show examples
 are very useful for
improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
 in
people
's
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. Neutral
science
 can help unhealthy
people
 back to their good condition, prevent a disease with
vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
show examples
, and increase the
longetivity
Correct your spelling
longevity
 of human life.
While social
Correct word choice
Social
show examples
science
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people
 create a more peaceful
country
 to live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Submitted by writingielts0 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a logical flow of ideas. While some of the essay is structured well, some paragraphs could be better organized with clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and establish the writer's viewpoint, but they could be further developed to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Expand on the main points with more detailed and varied support. Personal examples or more diverse illustrations would enhance the argument.
task achievement
While you have addressed the topic, make sure your response fully explores all parts of the prompt, showing a more nuanced understanding of the topic and its broader implications.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas to improve understanding. Some sentences and expressions can be unclear or too simplistic for the context, and more advanced language use would benefit the essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. The points made would be more persuasive with additional evidence or examples, ideally from a wider range of sources.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
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