IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think immigrants should accept the new culture as their own. Others believe that they should keep their own culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #immigrants #culture
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Fix the agreement mistake
People
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Person
Fix the agreement mistake
People
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Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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 to know about
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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new customs and traditions after moving to
Correct quantifier usage
another
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
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 country. There are two beliefs provided
that
Change preposition
in that
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 situation. Some people
believes
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believe
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 that
one
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 should adapt
new
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to new
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 cultural and moral
values
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 after migration;
however
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,
in
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apply
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other
group
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groups
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thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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 that
one
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 should not
change
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 their
way
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 of living. In my
opinion
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, people should
change
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 their
way
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 of life
according to
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 the customs and moral
values
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 of
new
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a new
the new
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place
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. I am going to elaborate
both
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on both
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 points of view in my forthcoming coming and
also
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 shed some light upon my
opinion
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. First of all, every different
place
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 or country on earth has their own culture. When
person
Correct article usage
a person
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 migrates from his land to
other country
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another country
other countries
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 they
faces
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face
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 cultural diversity.
For instance
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, folks living in Canada have different traditions and festivals as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to someone in Pakistan. Both their
values
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 and
way
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 of life are different. Let's suppose, someone has made
an
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a
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 decision that they are moving to Canada for
better
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a better
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 lifestyle. The first thing they should do in my
opinion
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 is to understand their
societial
Correct your spelling
social
values
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. After moving to
new
Correct article usage
a new
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place
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 people should indulge themselves with the heritage and intellectual
values
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 of their new neighborhood. It is their moral responsibility to take part as much as they can in their festivals and traditions.
Use synonyms
One
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On
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 the other hand,
second
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the second
a second
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 group of individuals thinks that person should never
change
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 their cultural
values
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 after migration. These
values
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 are
indentities
Correct your spelling
identities
 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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.
Therefore
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, few of them
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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 that
one
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 might
lost
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lose
be lost
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 his identity if they
change
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 their
values
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. It might
leads
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lead
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 to
end
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the end
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 of
an
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a
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 heritage.
One
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 illustration of
this
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 is
scientist
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scientists
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 nowadays have found the tracks of several lost civilizations from
past
Correct article usage
the past
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. These groups are nowhere to be found in recent times. From my perspective,
one
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 should adjust
themeselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
with
Change preposition
to
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new
Correct article usage
a new
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 environment and surroundings but not forget the roots of their elders. Altering themselves
according to
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practices
Correct article usage
the practices
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 of local communities will make their life easier. It will
also
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 leave a good impression among locals that
new comers
Correct your spelling
newcomers
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 respect their
way
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 of living.
Secondly
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, they might as well show interest in learning
Correct article usage
the tradition
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tradition
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traditions
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 and culture of immigrants.
One
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 of the most prominent benefits
one
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 will take
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according
Verb problem
apply
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to
Change preposition
in
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 my points of view is that
this
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practive
Correct your spelling
practice
practise
 will
opens
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open
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a new doors
Correct the article-noun agreement
new doors
a new door
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 of opportunities for migrants. Locals will not only
welcomes
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welcome
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 them with big
heart
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hearts
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 but
also
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guides
Correct subject-verb agreement
guide
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 them on how to have a proper job in their areas.
To conclude
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, individuals have two opinions on immigrants whether they should accept the new culture or
sticks
Correct subject-verb agreement
stick
show examples
 with their own. Both consideration have their own perks and flaws. But in my
opinion
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,
one
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 should definitely modify their thoughts and
values
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 after shifting to
new
Correct article usage
a new
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place
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 regardless of how bad it may
sounds
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sound
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 to other folks.
Additionally
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, it is important that they do not forget the history of their seniors even if they are now in a new location.
Submitted by araibbutt93 on

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Structural Coherence
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, which has led to a less cohesive argument. You should consider organizing your paragraphs clearly, with distinct introductions and conclusions for each. This would involve stating your main point at the beginning of each paragraph and then expanding on it, rather than merging various ideas without clear demarcations.
Introduction and Conclusion Clarity
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are either not clear or not effectively presented. Make sure to begin your essay with a clear introductory paragraph that outlines the topics you will discuss and your thesis statement. Likewise, conclude your essay with a summary of the main points and your final thoughts, making your stance clear.
Supporting Arguments with Examples
While you have presented some main points in support of your argument, they could be strengthened with specific, relevant examples. Try to illustrate your ideas with concrete examples from real-life situations, studies, or credible sources to enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Task Response Clarity
Your task response could be improved by fully addressing the prompt more consistently throughout. Make sure that your essay directly addresses the question by developing clear and comprehensive ideas that relate closely to the topic. Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea that is explored in depth.
Idea Expression Clarity
Ideas in your essay are not always expressed clearly and comprehensively. Aim for clarity by defining your ideas more precisely and by using clear and direct language. Break down complex thoughts into simpler sentences if necessary to ensure your reader can follow your line of reasoning without effort.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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