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Band 5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #advantage
Nowadays numerous countries
has
Change the verb form
have
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 a larger number of young
citizens
 in comparison with
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
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elderly people.
Although
 it undoubtedly
cause
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causes
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 a gradual extinction of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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local traditions, I believe that its advantages, including a significant
development
 of a
country
 and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in openness of a particular area, have an edge over it. A decline in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of seniors, and simultaneously a growing sum of young inhabitants, result in a
dissapearance
Correct your spelling
disappearance
 of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
native culture and traditions.
In other words
, these are older people who pay a lot of attention to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 specific customs of a certain place and maintain cultvating them.
For example
, in many families meals prepared on Christmas by grandmothers
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 special
recipies
Correct your spelling
recipes
, only known by their cooker.
Conversely
, young
citizens
 usually have different values, and
a work
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work
a job
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 is a prime concern for them, which is undoubtedly resulting in
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
 of local culture.
However
, despite
this
 drawback, a predominance of young
citizens
 undoubtedly contributes to the rise of
development
 of a certain area and its openness to other cultures. Thanks to the familiarization with modern technology young people are usually those responsible for the progress of a
country
.
Also
, their common ability to speak English and other foreign languages enables them to build connections with
citizens
 of other countries.
For instance
, the Netherlands, where most of the residents are above 40 years old, is known for its numerous connections and business contrasts with companies from all over the world, resulting in a rocketing
development
 of
this
country
.
To conclude
,
although
 an increasing number of young
citizens
 in societies might cause a decline in the cultivation of certain traditions and customs, its advantages are undoubtedly greater than the negative aspects. It not only affects the
development
 of a
country
 but
also
 expands its openness to foreign communities.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, you should work on creating a more logical structure throughout your essay, ensuring that there are clear and logical connections between your ideas. Use a range of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Your response seems complete, and there's a clear position throughout the response. Nonetheless, it is vital to develop your ideas further and to connect these ideas with comprehensive analysis or discussion. This means going beyond stating ideas; you should aim to explain and expand on these ideas with clarity and depth.
task achievement
You included some examples to support your main points, but they need to be more relevant and specific to the question prompt. Consider using a wider range of examples that directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages discussed, as this will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer illustration of your ideas.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic shift
  • age distribution
  • economic development
  • productivity
  • workforce
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • maternity and childcare
  • education sector
  • vocational training
  • social dynamism
  • dependency ratio
  • social support systems
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • cultural trends
  • generational conflicts
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